From time to time, the idea of giving an allowance is subversively bandied about Scout’s school. The classes participate in a monthly service project. One month it’s collecting coats for kids, another they are collecting gently-loved books for a local shelter. It’s all very sweet and wonderful. However, I was a bit taken a back when, a year ago, my son asked to do chores so he could buy a cow.

“A cow?” I asked amused, wondering if this was real or a flight of fancy

“Yes, a cow. Mrs. M said we need to do extra chores so we can have money to buy a cow,” he explained.

Further investigation and a note from the teacher at the bottom of his backpack later confirmed that the preschool was collecting money for Hefer International,  an organization with the goal of helping people out of poverty by giving them the tools, knowledge, and livestock to create a sustainable living.

The preschool was, in fact, going to buy someone a cow. E-I-E-I-Oooooh! 

“So could you give me some chores, Mommy?”

My (very opinionated) Opinion on Allowance

Scout was only four at the time, but already had such a kind and earnest heart. I didn’t want to say “No”, but I also wasn’t ready to confront the idea of giving my kids an allowance in exchange for chores. I suppose it is a perfectly reasonable arrangement, but there are two things that I just cannot get past:

Aren’t chores simply part of living in a house and being in a family? As in, you like clean socks, but not cockroaches. So put the dirty laundry in the basket and put your uneaten food in the bin… A cockroach-free existence is its own reward.

More importantly, I can’t name one single thing my children can do that I find worthy of payment. I mean, they certainly try. “I do it myself!” is a commonly heard rebuttal in my house. It is quickly followed by, “Help meeeeeee?”

I teach them. I guide them. I praise them. In the end, whatever it is that we are doing takes longer, is messier, and seems to require much more squealing… Who, if anyone, ought to be the one getting paid in this situation? Hmmm? 

Teaching Kids About Money

I am in no position to judge anyone’s parenting. If other families want to tie allowances to chores, it’s probably because their kids are older (and are performing duties that one would otherwise be paying a lawn service/babysitter/cleaning person to do). Perhaps it’s a way to teach kids about the importance of hard work?

As for us, I find that the exchange of money for goods and services is a simple enough concept to grasp, even for a four-year-old. The kids see Mike and I go to work everyday. They know that they will have to work one day too. That’s a given.

I see the purpose of allowance as a way to give kids an opportunity to learn how to manage money through making both good choices and bad, and with guidance from their parents. If they are going to make financial mistakes, let them make them early when the stakes are low and no one’s counting on their share of the rent.

Choices

With this mind, all of my conversation with my kids about money revolve around making choices.

Would you rather have a $5 mall pretzel or a $5 Lego set and a snack from Mommy’s purse? 

Would you rather have five little $5 Lego sets or wait to get the $25 Lego set? 

Sometimes he chooses wisely. Sometimes. But the bottom line is, I have a choice too and I reserve the right to say “no, we can’t buy that today.” End of the conversation.

Wishlists

I keep a running wishlist on my smartphone with an app called The Find (available on Apple and Android devices), with photos of the things my kids beg for at the store. From time to time, my son will go through all of the photos and realize that he wants the “super cool harbor set” more than the “police station and boat”. (Yes, I am still talking about Legos. It’s the most accessible currency for little boys.)

So now, I know what to get him for Christmas AND I’m not drowning in every set he asks for…. just the ones he loves most.

Experiences

I have written in the past about the way my kids put more value in experiences than things. I am so proud of them for this, but I also make it clear that some experiences come with a hefty price tag. Vacations, karate lessons, swim team… these things are not cheap and I am perfectly forthcoming about how we can’t afford XYZ this month because we are buying new swimsuits and floaties instead.

So how did my son raise the money to buy the village a cow?

Just because I’m not willing to tie allowance to chores doesn’t mean that my son was off the hook for raising money on his own.

Instead of household chores, I asked him to help me gather all of the toys, books, and clothing he and Lou had outgrown and take them to a local resale shop. Whatever money we got back from the sale would be his to donate or keep. We purged a good bit of clutter and made a chunk of change that day. Then, he donated  ALL of it to the cow.

I count that as two good deeds and an important lesson in giving.

Disclosure: As a Kidworth Ambassador, I was compensated for sharing how our family saves, spends, and sets goals. If you are still looking for the perfect holiday gift for a little person in your life, consider giving the gift of financial success. Consider a gift card from Kidworth. 

{image credit: Flickr, Johnson Cameraface}

It’s time again for the Annual Great Bloggy Holiday Card Exchange and here is ours.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Everything to all of my friends! I am so very happy to have all of your in my life (and in my laptop). I am, indeed, very blessed.

As I do every year, I made TWO versions of our holiday card– one to send to family and close friends, and another to send to the people who love us dearly, but probably don’t want a three-fold spread of  ”look how freakin’ cute my kids are. Look! Look!”

To see the other version on my holiday card, read my post on Why I Send Holiday Cards.

There are very few thing that you really need in this life– food, shelter, clothing…. For  parents, diapers are unarguably a necessity as well.

There are many established programs and agencies intended to handle food, shelter, and clothing. Now that we are squarely in the middle of the holiday season, you have probably even noticed initiatives to provide toys and books to needy children.

While these are all fantastic programs, the number-one need for many families was not baby blankets, clothing, or even food, but DIAPERS– which are NOT covered under social-safety net programs like WIC or food stamps. Many shelters do not supply diapers and companies who make diapers did not make donation large enough to fill the need.

Whether you use cloth or disposable, you cannot deny their importance. Parents cannot drop off a child at a daycare without an adequate supply of diapers.  As a consequence, mothers (yes, it is most frequently mothers…) are unable to go to work and support their families. Babies are left in dirty diapers for longer, which poses a serious health risk and more illnesses.

Upon realizing this, my friend, Lisa Truong and, her co-founder, Rachel Fudge started Help a Mother Out on Mother’s Day 2009 in the Bay Area.

They began with a Mother’s Day diapers-and-wipes donation drive to benefit a dozen agencies serving low-income and homeless families throughout California. With a tiny initial investment of $100 and the power of social media, they managed to collect over 15,000 diapers for families in need.

HAMO has since grown into chapters in Southern California, Arizona, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Missouri, Oklahoma and Washington.

But anyone, anywhere can collect and donate diapers!  

This morning, I am hosting my second annual diaper drive at at Los Altos United Methodist Church. It was a breeze to organize. I told my moms group about Help A Mother Out, sent a follow up, and asked them to bring diapers to our meeting today.

Last year, I did the same thing except I extended it to my greater network in the area– book club, my other moms groups, friends… everyone. For an entire month, any where I went I asked my friends to bring diapers. I offered to pick them up at their homes. I met them at the park, at Starbucks… a package here, two leftovers from potty training there…

In the end, I collected over 1,300 diapers and drove them to a shelter in a neighboring  town, knowing that we have impacted the lives of members in my community.

Other ideas and supplies needed to start your own diaper drive can be found on the Help A Mother Out website. You can even host a virtual diaper drive by adding and promoting the “Donate Now Button”

Today,  I am being featured over on Type-A Parent, where you can find my post:

Top 7 Shopping Apps to Save Money and Time This Holiday Season

Just because you avoided Black Friday and Cyber Monday, and chose to patronize a coffee shop instead of a local toy store on Small Business Saturday, doesn’t mean you missed out on great bargains this holiday season. With the help of your smartphone and some shopping apps, deals and [...] Continue Reading →

Save time. Save money… and ‘App-y Holidays to you!

Image Credit: Jackie Kever, Flickr.com 

I knew I had it all wrong when last Christmas- surrounded by a mountain of presents and a house full of family- my children could not have cared less about the presents. Both of them opened one gift, loved it, and quickly lost interest in the rest in favor of playing with their aunts and uncle.

I actually had to force them to open the rest of their gifts over the next three or four days, so I would have something to tell my in-laws when they called to ask how the kids liked the gifts. “Uh… they were… umm, great. Whatever they were… hehe”

They were ages four and one at the time. While this was NOT the reaction I had anticipated, I was not all that surprised. My children have always put more of a premium on experiences rather than things and I cannot be more grateful for that. Don’t get me wrong. They love toys and books and messy art supplies as much as the next kid… and of course, they often succumb to the “gimme-gimmes” anytime we are near a Lego store.

On the other hand, Scout still goes on and on about the first time I ever took him to Taco Bell and then to my office. Not a particularly extraordinary event, but a completely novel one to him. Yet, he can’t tell you the last thing he just HAD to have  at the store.

On her second birthday, Lou was more interested in the Flip camera we were using to film her, than her presents. At one point, she took over the camera and took great glee in shooting my husband opening the gifts for her. The Bitty Baby that Mike’s mom obsessed over for weeks was presented to her, then sadly, tossed aside. Months later, it still lives in the closet and is barely played with… if ever.

As I said, I’m not surprised that my kids are like this. Mike and I have been very intentional about raising them to appreciate doing over having, and we’ve taught them this by example.

In 2008, Mike lost his job. Two weeks later, he accepted a new job… in London… and I lost my perfect life in Dallas, Texas. We had a month to reassess our worldly possessions and our house, and got rid of most of it. Scout was two at the time, and watched as toys, books, dishes, decorations, furniture…  all made their way to Craigslist, Freecycle, charity shops, or were given away to friends. Then, off we three went on a grand adventure!

I can’t even tell you how many people told me that I was INSANE to leave Texas. (How could anyone leave Texas?!) Friends asked how I could just give away or sell all of our stuff. How could I give up the comfort and security of my cushy suburban existence? It was a chance to live in London. How could I not?

Eight months later, when the economy unexpectedly tanked and we once again found ourselves jobless… except this time, living abroad. We had to go through the entire process again. For a second time in his small life, my son watched as we shed belongings and packed up the rest to move back to the States. Sheepishly, we prepared to return ”home”, but not quite…

A  bit older and more aware, this second move took a toll on our son. Every night he would wake up and bring all of his toys into his bed, then sleep on top of them. It was as if he feared they would go away otherwise. My heart broke for him and, as a result, we got rid of very few of his things.

We moved a third time a year later. It was a local move, but no less harsh on my son. Night after night, he would ask, “Is this really my room, now?” and “When are we going back to our house?”. I had no idea if he was talking about Dallas, London, or the short gap in between when he and I lived with my parents.

This time in our life was THE most stressful. The resentment from it still bubbles up from time to time. Yet, looking back, it was also the most remarkable and it solidified our values as a family. So what did we learn in the midst of utter insanity?

Things will come and go.

Jobs will come in go.

Friends will even come and go.

What matters in life is the experiences you seize and the people who are there to embrace them with you.

Disclosure: As a Kidworth Ambassador, I was compensated for sharing how our family saves, spends, and sets goals. This is the perfect time of year to re-evaluate how you view the “stuff” in your life. 

Image credit: From kalastajanvaimo.indiedays.com, via Pinterest