The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Small Talk with Big People

I just know you’ve all been holding your breath. Right? Right?! Well, the movie premier party was FANTASTIC!

Thanks for asking.

The whole day was fantastic.  Mr. D took Scout to a crew screening of the move earlier in the day, giving me plenty of time to clean the house and get everything ready for the sitter.  She arrived on time (love her already) to find the kids eating dinner at the table and their jammies laid out on their dressers.

After years of scrambling to get stubborn little people ready and out the door, it took Mr. D and I all of five minutes to get ourselves ready. It’s astounding what you can accomplish when you’re are NOT being hounded by thoughts of bottles and snacks and extra pants…

We had the sitter snap a few pics, kissed the kids goodnight, and were out the door, as giddy as two eleven-year-old girls at a Justin Bieber concert.

FREEEEEEEDOM!

It was Sunday night, so heading up to San Francisco for the party was a breeze as well…. even if we were coming all the way from the Valley. I forget sometimes how NOT really all that close we are to San Francisco. It’s a pity, even though I don’t particularly enjoy driving around the city or parking once I get there.

We were one of the first people to arrive at the Metreon in downtown. We walk in and who is the first person we see….

None other than JEFFREY KATZENBERG!

Yes, the Jeffrey Katzenberg. Standing right there. There was no avoiding him. There was no looking for someone more interesting to talk to at the party.

There is no one more interesting. Nevermind, that at that particular moment, there was also no one else there besides his “people” and the wait staff…

Mr. D tried to just nod and veer me away, but I walked right up to him and introduced myself. I smiled. I told him how nice it was to meet him. Mr. D commented on how much our son LOVED the movie, more small talk ensured, and then we had NOTHING. ELSE. TO. SAY.

I mean it’s Jeffrey Katzenberg, who by the way is the nicest, most down-to-Earth person ever, but still hinges on the mythological…

This wasn’t just a celebrity associated with the film… Eddie Murphy or Mike Meyers, either of which I could have just gushed all over and been all fangirl-ish about. No. This is certainly not just any old celebrity. This was meeting my husband’s boss… at a work party… where clearly, my function is to be The Wife and let my husband take the lead  in conversations. Except he was at a loss for words. We both were.

I thanked Jeffrey Katzenberg (because apparently I can only refer to him by his entire name…) for the party and excused myself. I headed straight for the bar and ordered a scotch tout de suite. Along the way, I chided Mr. D, “You didn’t have anything else to say to him? You had NOTHING else to say to Jeffrey Katzenberg. NOTHING.”

The rest of the party was grand. I met Mr. D’s coworkers and their partners and successfully made plenty of small talk with them. To several, I mentioned my sudden bout of socially ineptitude. The one where I suddenly become shy and withdrawn before one of the world’s most talented and innovative geniuses… Look, I’m still gushing.

They all confessed to having had the same problem. At least, I’m not alone.

At one point, Mr. D started telling people an interesting story (legend?) he’d read about Jeffrey Katzenberg long ago.  Something bizarre involving an plane… I’m not entirely sure. In any case, the book wasn’t very forthcoming with the details.  Mr. D speculated aloud that he would have liked to know what Jeffrey Katzenberg must have said at that moment.

Ummm, I don’t know. MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE?

Of course, the next morning I finally remembered Jeffrey Katzenberg’s interview with Colbert a few weeks ago and recalled, how, if ever given the chance, I really wanted to ask him about that. Yeah, FAIL.

At least, I’ll be prepared next time we meet. I just hope I don’t go the other direction and bombard him with a million questions, ask him to autograph my forearm, and blind him with the flash of the camera, which  I now carry with me at all times.

So, which celebrity or genius would you love to meet? Or have you met? What did you say to them? What do you wish you could ask them?

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Okay. Now the part you’ve been waiting for… Which shoes? Which shoes? Which shoes?

For everyone who chose brown, please don’t be disheartened. I chose turquoise simply because they’re silk.

There will be  many opportunities for the brown shoes, but how many chances do I get to wear SILK shoes? Not many, I’m afraid. I felt like Marie Antoinette stuffing my face with cake and chimichangas.

Yes, chimichangas. Go see Shrek Forever After this weekend. You’ll understand the the tie-in… I can say no more.

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