I have no idea what it is about the toilets in my house that fascinate my children to no end. Yes, the TOILETS. Both of them… even the one who really should know better.  Ahem.

No less than fifty billion times a day, I’m telling one of them to get their hands out of the toilet, praying that whoever used it last actually remembered to flush (which is the other thing I am constantly saying to them…)

I tell them to stop. They do it again.

I threaten to get rid their hoard of toys (since they luuurrrve the potty so much). I find puddles on the bathroom floor.

I fill a tub with clean water and put in the backyard. They could care less.

I shut the lid and shut the door. They’re back in there with their sand buckets.

Big potty. Little potty. My potty. Their potty. All day long!

It is foul. It is disgusting, and if they don’t stop, I swear that I will make them live in a dumpster because I cannot live this way anymore.

My point is you can tell children “no” repeatedly every day for five years in a row. You can redirect, scold, threaten, beg, plead, cry, scream… You can read them excepts from The Hot Zone and tell them Ebola actually comes from the suburban bathrooms of mid-century track housing.

They will not listen. Because long before curiosity killed the cat, it killed a mother’s sanity. I highly recommend that you just not go down this road in the first place. Do yourself a favor and baby-proof your house.

Even if you think, “Oh no. I’ll just teach my kids boundaries…” or “My son never had an interest in XYZ, why would my daughter…”

Even if you don’t want your house to look like a baby lives there…

Even if it is the fourth house you’ve lived in in 18 months and you just don’t feel like baby-proofing yet again…

DO IT.

Rhoost, a fantastic sponsor of “All About the Bump” Month,  has been saving mothers’ (and fathers’) precious sanity for years.

From Rhoost’s line of functional, yet stylish safety products,  parents can find many ways to protect their children, without causing harm to furniture or fixtures.

Their products are easy to install- no adhesives or screws, portable, and simple to remove. The colors compliment any decor and are designed to blend into your home.

Okay, so perhaps you can make your house look like a baby doesn’t live there after all… Best of both worlds! DO IT.

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This post is a part of All About the Bump Month and is sponsored by our many fabulous sponsors, like Rhoost. Have you entered to win the Bump Month giveaway with over $1000 in baby and mom products on Formerly Gracie.com? DO IT!

Here’s an extra entry: Comment on this post with your most hilarious, scary, or embarrassing baby-proofing (or lack thereof, as the case may be) mishap. I can’t wait to read them!

My life has been really crazy lately, so today I did what I always do when I have too much to do and not enough hours… Procrastinate!

We’ve lead a fairly cluttered life for the past three years, but out of the blue, I decided to convert our laundry room into a family command center. This explains why at 4:45 in the afternoon- when I SHOULD have been home making dinner- I was instead headed to Target in search of file folders, labels, in-boxes, and bins…

I figure, if I can’t control my life, I can at least be in a zen-filled place with our outgoing mail.

Our Target has a very spacious park lot which I’ve never seen more than half full. It was a terrible time of day to go, with people stopping after work or rushing home. But even then, there were still plenty of parking spots available. As I made my way down the row of parked cars looking for one, an SUV almost hit me as it cruised right down the center of the lane. The driver, a woman in sunglasses and a pretty scarf, didn’t even notice since her head was completely turned sideways.

I saw her again as we went down the next row in opposite directions. Same scenario.

We crossed paths once more down another row when I found a spot and took it. As I got out of my car, I saw her gesturing wildly, pointing to me, and screaming. “I’m going to kill you. That was MY spot. MINE!” she mouthed.

Just as this was happening, she drove past an open spot directly across from me. It was just on the other side of  her car, and if she hadn’t been YELLING at me she would have seen it too.

Somewhere in this there is greater life lesson. Something along the lines of  ”if you live your life in anger, the red blinds you to the beauty that surounds your day”.

I don’t know. I’m not Confucius.  All I took away from it was “Wuz up, I got mine”. blahbah!!!

What is it about a man and a baby that makes people so crazy with adoration?

For a brief period of time after my son was born, I was the one who went to work while my husband stayed home. Every Wednesday morning, Mike would put Scout in his baby carrier and head off to the grocery store. Other days, the two of them would walk around Best Buy or visit me at my office.  Some days, they just walked around our neighborhood.

It was so simple to leave the house with our little son– no battles over clothes, no endless negotiations.  Just an extra bottle, some diapers, and a baby carrier, and my son was more than happy to take a ride.

Wherever their adventures took them, they would always attract quite a fan following.  Mike still talks about the time when he and Scout rounded an aisle and came face to face with an elderly man. My son flashed him the biggest toothless smile, and the man flashed his own toothless grin in return.

When it was my turn to do the shopping, the store employees would recognize my son immediately. They would flock to us and mention that my husband had been there earlier this week. “What a great dad he is! You’re so lucky!” they would say, completely oblivious to the fact that there I was doing the exact… same… thing…

While this has always been a tiny thorn in my side, it was one of the happiest times in my husband’s life. Those days when everything was new and waiting to be discovered, the simplest things would make Scout giggle and Mike was more than happy to explain. It was their time. Pure and simple.

It didn’t take long for Mike to find another job. I quit mine to stay home and we’ve been running on parallel tracks every since. Mike’s career keeps him busy and away from home a lot. He’s had breaks in between jobs. He’s had weekends, vacations, and days off, but he’s never again had the opportunity to just BE with the kids.

It’s been amazing to see our son grow up to be such a fascinating person. At five years old, he dreams up his own adventures now, but my husband still cherishes the baby carrier days when he could turn our little guy to face the world, hold him close, and never want to let him go.

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Britax is one of our wonderful “All About the Bump” Month sponsors and I was pleased to have any opportunity to write about our baby carrier experience.

The Britax Baby Carrier is arrive this Summer!

Britax, the leader in car seats, is introducing a soft-structured baby carrier that offers optimal comfort for both parent and child. The new Britax Baby Carrier features the CarryLong System, which reduces the risk of back and shoulder strain during extended wear by distributing weight across the shoulders, back and hips.

Other great features of the carrier include:

• Multiple Carrying Positions offer parent versatility to face baby inward or outward
• Simple Slip On & Off Design makes use quick and effortless {it’s so easy, you simply put it over your head and it’s on!}
• Harness Straps adjust from front of carrier for proper customized fit
• Excess Belt Storage Bands eliminate loose straps
• 100% Cotton Machine Washable Bib (included) protects carrier from stains
• Adjustable Head Support provides head and neck stability for younger infants
• Leg Loops reduce the size of leg openings for 8-11 pound infants for secure fit

Best of all, it’s perfect for mom AND dad!

Simple things tend to confuse me. For instance, the thought of bringing my newborn son grocery shopping used to be panic-inducing.

What do I do with the carrier? Do I put him in the car first or the groceries? Should I shut the car doors while I return the cart or let my baby get stolen? What do I do if he starts screaming?

My goodness, HOW HAVE MOTHERS BEEN DOING THIS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME?

We’ve eaten several times since then, so I obviously figured it out. It wasn’t long before I was deftly navigating my way through department stores, restaurants, and art museums with my son. Then, we moved abroad and I had to learn how to do it with a Maclaren and a British accent.

Just when I thought I was a pro at this whole “mommy gig”, along came my daughter…  and a new reason to panic.

How do I do this with TWO?

The answer is… with twice as much effort and far fewer hands. It took some doing, time, and experience, but again I figured it out. Then just as I do, I find something new to worry about. Five years ago, it was grocery shopping. Today, it’s kindergarten. I may have some idea of how it’s going to go down, but I won’t really know until we get there.

See, that’s the thing with motherhood. No one gets to go into it being all-knowing. There’s no school or book that can teach you everything. There are no PhDs in parenting. A lot of it you learn with your children. As they grow, so do you.

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This post kicks off the fourth week of “All About the Bump” Month! Eight bloggers and I have teamed up to spend a whole month to talk about all things moms and babies.

Please join us for two very Bumpin’ Baby Showers– local, live, and in person. We will be  raffling tons of prizes including products from Graco, Zulily, Phil & Ted, and yes, Britax too. (And much, much more.)

If you or any other moms-to-be you know are in the Los Angeles and Philadelphia area, RSVP below.

It’s FREE to attend and all proceeds from the raffle will go to charity.

Los Angeles Bumpin’ Shower
Thursday May 26th
7:00 pm  – 9:00 pm

Classic Kids Photography
Santa Monica

RSVP & Invitation

Philadelphia Bumpin’ Shower

Tuesday, May 31
6:00-8:00 pm
Kildare’s Irish Pub

West Chester, PA

RSVP & Invitation