Working from home for so long, I’ve grown accustomed to certain things… such as coming and going as I please, working all hours, and taking conference calls on the go. Lately, my work has shifted to require much more “facetime” and my being confined to an office. (For the record, I still work all hours…)

Somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot of meeting over video, which is nothing like meeting in person or taking a call. It’s not even a hybrid of the two.  It’s something completely and unnervingly… different.

Video conferencing is the stuff of the future… circa 1960… which is to say, today. It’s something we all wholeheartedly desire, but can’t seem to fully embrace

It’s clunky. It’s awkward. You have no idea what to do with your hands. I get it. It’s weird.

I’ve put together a few tips I’ve learned along the ways to tackle the subtle, but useful art of video conferencing:

1. Testing. 1, 2, 3

There are plenty of video conferencing products and services. The most popular is Skype, which is free to use and adopted all over the world. Go To Meeting offers simple, hi-def business calling tools. Even Google+ offers “Hangouts” to rival Facebook’s Video Calling. Facetime comes standard on all Apple products.

There is even a Facebook-Skype integration- the best of both worlds making it easier to stalk… er, stay in touch.

My point is, there are many, many video conferencing options and unfortunately, they ALL have their quirks. So it’s just a matter of figuring out what they are and how to work around them.

Moments before your call is not the time to start downloading the requisite software or searching for your headset. Practice with your equipment beforehand to make sure A) that it works and B) that you know how it works. Locate all of the buttons, test the volume, and find the mute function on your computer or headset.

2. Expect Lag

A good rule of thumb is to wait two full seconds before speaking on the call. Not all wi-fi is created equal. Even on the most sophisticated of setups, expect there to be lag on someone’s end.

Try not to talk over one another or attempt side conversations. Just speak slowly and clearly. Keep your gestures minimal and small, but nod from time to time so people know that you are following along with the call. Accept that it may take a few extra seconds for the users on the other end to receive your message completely, and even longer for them to respond.

3. Think Presidential

The area around you can be as telling as it is distracting. Consider where you will be taking your call and declutter and pick up as needed, especially if you are at home. Before your call, take a look at what is in the camera’s line of sight. You can do this by looking at the picture-in-picture and see what other people will see.

The ideal location for your call has a neutral background with very few moving distractions. The best lighting is bright or natural light. Add a curtain, a few framed photos, and while you are at it, why not the American flag too!

4. Positioning

Sit up straight and move away from your computer. When you are speaking, look directly into the camera. You will instinctively want to look at the people on your screen, but this will make you appear shifty and awkward. Trust me.

If it helps to have a “visual”, put a sticker or photo of your best friend next to or slightly above the eye of your camera. Pretend you are talking to them. This will also put you at ease if you’re feeling nervous about speaking.

5. Absolutely NO Multitasking

This is a difficult one for me. Resist the urge to flip through emails, check Facebook, text, or tap your mouse during the lulls in your conference. Keeping typing to a minimum. People can not only hear the tell-tale “click-click”, they can also see your eyes darting from side-to-side.

While you can get away with these things on conference call and sometimes even in a larger in-person meeting, video makes everyone the focal point. Little things get noticed because your sounds are directly delivered into their ears and your face is front and center.

6. Stifle Your Yawns

Eating, drinking, coughing, clearing your throat, blowing your nose, and just about any other bodily task  is not only rude and distracting, it’s loud and gross! If you simply must, excuse yourself from the call and step away from the computer.

Even if you’re just shuffling papers or adjusting in your chair, mute your computer or headset liberally.

Guzzling wine, however, if perfectly acceptable in certain circles. Chin-Chin!

7. Pants Optional? More like Pants, Nonnegotiable!

Wear pants, and if I have to tell you why, then there’s no hope for you anyway. I say to you, “Good day”.

So yes, wear pants and dress as you would for an in-person meeting, but avoid stripes and bright patterns. They tend to have a stobe-like effect on some monitors. Instead, stick with light, solid colors and simple accessories.

The glare  from your computer screen will probably make you look washed out, so put on a little make up and brush your hair. Whatever you can do to look fresh and awake will go far in making a good impression.

In a few minutes, I’m boarding a flight and covering a press event in Southern Cali. It’s a quick trip and not even very far, but it’s an eternity in terms of documenting the logistics involved with two kids and a household. All of which will be in the care of my husband in my absence.

It’s not that my husband can’t handle everything. It’s just that he doesn’t, so I normally don’t bother sharing details like what time the house cleaners show up or where you’re supposed to stand for afternoon pick up.

Earlier this week, I could tell that my constant reminders about this and that were causing a hint of shock and panic in his eyes. So I took the time to write it all down—color-coded and by date and child.

What they ought to wear. What needs to be brought to school. Pick up times. 

Before I packed my bags, I made sure all of the checks for daycare were written and homework folders were completed. I order extra diapers and bought snacks for my daughter’s “God’s Creation Celebration” (her new Christian preschool’s nod to Halloween). I filled the freezer with food, pretending that we don’t always eat like that anyway….

It’s a lot to remember and I usually rely on a series of notes and daily alarms to tell me of where I need to be at any given moment. Even then, I still send back permission slips without a check and forget to return the unsold Entertainment Book and raffle tickets. (oops!)

It’s only gotten worse since I  started working in an office again, but I don’t care if I come off as a slacker mom to other people.  I’m willing to give up my reputation as the “one in the know” and skimping on the home-cooked meal, so long as my kids never feel the pinch.

Luckily, I’ve managed to shape my hours and my travel around their schedules. I‘m doubly lucky to have a supportive husband who is willing to embrace the chaos while I’m away.

I was feeling pretty confident about leaving for a few days until I received an email from my son’s teacher. She wrote to inform me that he is being given an award at morning assembly tomorrow.

It’s a surprise (so, shh… don’t tell him) and I won’t be there to see the look on his sweet little face.

Suddenly, I don’t know that I am making a fair exchange or that they won’t be feeling the pinch.

Here’s a little preview from our family photo session, take one of two…

We spent this weekend and last trying to capture a perfect family photo. Good thing I hired a photographer who was willing to do re-dos. In fact, she offered…

A few weeks ago, I shared my tips for finding a great family photographer.  Well, I found her. Now, here are my tips for making sure she is able to produce those fantastic photos:

1.  Timing is Everything

Pick a time of day when your kids normally have the most energy and are  full-bellied and happy.  Early mornings, right after breakfast, are best for our kids. This also tends to offer the best outdoor lighting possible– natural, but diffuse light.

If you’re shooting outdoors, the worst lighting is harsh, direct sunlight as seen at noon or early afternoon. It also tends to cause weird shadows on faces and bring out double chins. Not that I would know anything about that… ahem! 

2. Scheduling Buffer Time

When I set up our family photos, I plan for them to take the entire morning even though I really don’t expect my kids to last anywhere near that long. The idea is to make sure we have plenty of time for the kids to warm up to the photographer, and for the photographer to get our vibe.

It also keeps me from scheduling anything immediately before or after our session, thereby leaving plenty of time to go with the flow. We can take as many shots as we need and not feel rushed.

3. Colorless Snacks

This is a continuation of my first tip of making sure the kids are full-bellied. I take along baggies of Joe O’s to snack on mid-session. They are dry, filling, and… most important, colorless!

There’s nothing more tedious than having to Photoshop blue M&M stain off my kids’ hands, face, and clothes.

4. Plan Outfits Ahead

If I see one more photo of a family in white and khaki on a beach…

Okay, I’m kidding… sort of. I’m not a fan of the matchy-matchy family photo, but if that’s your style… Go for it! Your family pictures should reflect who YOU are. Stylish? Casual? Sports fans? Plan your entire family’s outfits ahead of time to make sure you have a cohesive look… whatever it may be.

When I plan our family photos, I start with one item. In this case, it was the plaid from Lou’s dress (see above). I styled the entire family around these colors by finding a sweater vest with the same colors for Scout, a blouse in one of the colors for me, etc. I stick with solid colors in neutral tones and avoid anything too distracting or busy. I very much want the focus to be on US and not what were are wearing.

5. Forget “Perfect”

Although I obsess over getting  ”frame-able” family photos year after year, my favorite photos have always been the ones of us just being real– wide-mouth guffaws over a corny joke, helping Lou walk on a brick wall or Scout climb a tree. These are the tiny moments that “tell our story” or capture a memory.

I am not a crafty girl, but when Scout asked me to make him a spider costume for Halloween (and did not change his mind about it for a whole three weeks), I acquiesced.

Of course, I thought that I could get away with pinning black socks to a generic black sweatshirt and say “good day”. That was until Mike got involved…

A little background on my dear husband… He went to film school with access to a surplus of googly eyes and fur, costume designers, and actual Hollywood budgets. He works in digital animation now, but there is still no such thing as too much detail or too authentic in his world.

The man spent hours during our first Halloween together creating a mummy costume out of yards of hand-dyed muslin and beading an Egyptian collar.  I would have used single-ply toilet paper from the Dollar General. This is how we differ.

Also, he is a busybody who can’t leave well enough alone. My son and I would have be perfectly content with a sweatshirt pinned with socks, but… oh no, not Mike.

So without further ado, I present to you… an overachieving spider!

Once Mike got involved, I had to make multiple trips to the fabric store to acquire boning and velvet for the legs, Velcro to attach the bottom,  and pearl buttons for the eyes. Mike designed the pattern and cut the fabric. I stuffed, constructed, and sewed.

I suppose this is payback for all of the hours of Project Runway that I’ve made the poor man watch. However, he was quite amused with my Tim Gunn impression. “Make it work!” I kept yelling over my sewing machine.

**************

For a girl/sister version of my home-spun spider costume, Katja of Skimbaco conjured up her own “Home Couture” DIY Spiderweb Witch Halloween Costume. A sweet, stunning, and *modest* look for a tween girl.

{image credit: Katja Presnal, Skimbaco}

I could start an entire blog about what I thought married life would be like, but someone already did that. Catalog Living, anyone?

This weekend, Mike and I will celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary. Our life is anything BUT catalog-ready perfection, but it is no less wonderful and surprising.

I fell in love with Mike on our second date. I knew I wanted to marry him when a teenager hit his car in a parking lot. Without so much as a glance at his own back bumper, he ran over to the shaken girl and her mother to ask if they were okay.  Then, to put the poor girl at ease, he told them a story about a funny mishap from when HE was first learning how to drive.

Because that’s the kind of guy his is.  Or in other words, the kind of guy I knew I wanted to marry.

That was a long engagement, an elaborate wedding that made me want to elope to Vegas, six jobs, four houses, and two kids ago… While Mike is still the kind and wonderful person I knew then, we’ve learned a thing or two (billion things) over the years. Here are seven of them:

1. There are Decent Men in the World.

In spite of what a stack of women’s magazines and every single TV drama will have you believe, not all men are terrible, lying cheaters. And, in spite of what ever sitcom will have you believe, not all men are idiots.

In fact, there are men out there who are kind, smart, hard-working, respectful, and want nothing more than to come home to their lovely wife and children every night. And how those children will shriek and go out of their minds running to the  door to greet him because  they know it’s the highlight of his day.

2.  Marriage is Hardly Ever 50-50, but it is a Partnership. 

Throw all expectation to the side. It doesn’t matter whose “job” it is. If something needs to be done, just do it and forget about. If you focus on the team effort rather than a score, you’ll get more accomplished and be happier together in the long run.

3. Plans are for Boring People.

Every time I’ve settled into the latest life transition- be it baby, job, or location- Mike loses his job and we move… It’s not his fault. It’s just the nature of the industry in which he works… which also happens to be his passion. He loves what he does and he is so very talented at it. So, I support him fully in his endeavors.

Oh, hahahaha! If only that were true. It sounded nice though, didn’t it?

Okay, it’s partially true. My husband IS living his dream and he IS good at it. Three moves in eighteen months proves that I am supportive. Yet, it doesn’t change the fact that it is hard to be married to a job that is as demanding and unpredictable as his. It’s been the biggest source of stress in our lives, but in a way, it’s also helped us cut the excess…

If you asked me seven years ago where I would be living today, I probably would have named a suburb of Dallas. If I had gotten my way, our son would never have had a chance to learn that “lorry” is another word for “truck”, and an afternoon on the beach wouldn’t be a feasible alternative to heading to a neighbor park.

Full embrace the unexpected. If not, it will gobble you up.

4. Keep Laughing, Preferably at Yourselves.

We’ve been through a lot these past seven years. The moment we crack a joke about something, is the moment I know we’re going to get through it just fine.

Laughter is known to lower your stress and lift your spirits. It breaks the tension and helps keep things fun and fresh. Mostly, it distracts us from the world of suck we are likely about to endure…

5. Children Suck the Life Out of You and Your Marriage. (But then again, so does everything else)

There. I said it… and I don’t regret it because it is True! True! True!

There are numerous studies that have shown that the most stressful, and least satisfying years of marriage are those spent while raising young children. The sleep deprivation alone can crush a person. Add to that the constant going, going, going, the neediness, the noise, the intrusion, the mess… The constant worry that you’re not doing enough and you’re doing it all wrong.

What the studies tend to overlook is that this phase of life also happens to coincide with dual careers taking off, mortgages and bills eating up your savings, parents getting older… and it NEVER. SEEMS. TO. END.

Well, I have bad news for you. It doesn’t, so find a way to cope and get through it… together. Find something that beings joy to your whole family, then make time for one another—out of the house and away from it all. If you can’t get away, then make the time to have an uninterrupted conversation at home.

There are some night when things have gotten so out of hand that I’ve just bluntly told Mike, “I really need you to stay awake and talk to me tonight. It’s important.”

6. Always be Honest, but Don’t Always Talking About it.

The reason Mike and I hit it off so quickly and easily is that we both had nothing to lose. So from the very beginning, we were both painfully honest about everything. No games. No silent treatment. No pouty-pouts. No passive-aggressive digs.

If I’m mad, I tell him why. If I would like from him to do something, I just say so. If I’m stressed, I ask for his help.

While this system has worked marvelously for us, I’ve realized over the years that there are certain facts about our life that are never going to change and not worth another conversation about it. I’ve also learned that Mike is a better listener than go-to problem-solver. Where I tend to process things out loud, he would rather work things out in this mind… or maybe not at all.

Either way, I learned when to back off and just accept things as they are.

7. Remember Why You Fell in Love in the First Place

Taking the time to appreciate all of the things you love about your husband will remind you of why you married him in the first place. Pay attention to the little things and say “thank you” as often as possible. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.