I’ve felt much healthier with this pregnancy than my last. Of course, it helps that I don’t sit on my ass and stuff my face all day like I did when I worked in an office… contrary to what you may think SAHMs do all day. (smirk!)
Other than that one day when I cleared the freezer of every stinkin’ pint of Ben and Jerry’s AmeriCone Dream that my local Safeway offered, I’ve been able to resist most temptation.
(What? A. It has Stephen Colbert’s face on it and… B. Vanilla cream with fudge-covered waffle cone pieces and caramel… It’s wicked good.)
The last few days though… I don’t know if it’s Baby Girl packing on the pounds or if I’m subconsciously trying to get in every last bite of the all-you-can-eat buffet that is pregnancy, but I just can NOT get full.
Lately, I am hungry ALL. THE. TIME.
… and it’s an all-consuming crazed hunger that no amount of fruits and veggies, yogurts, or sensible well-balanced meals can seem to satiate.
So, very much like The Very Hungry Caterpillar, I’ve moved on to eating total crap.
Last week, I was at grocery store picking up a few things when I came face to face with a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos that I just HAD to have.
(The very same Flaming Hot Cheetos that I always give my mom crap about eating… you know, from atop my locally-sourced, all-natural, organic high horse…)
I discreetly tossed it into the cart and made a beeline for the check-out counter, where I waited… and waited… and waited… getting more shaky and delirious with hunger by the second.
OMG… I couldn’t believe how SLOW the cashier lady was being! Taking the time to greet the people in front of me. Does she not SEE how pregnant I am? Ppfff!
When it was my turn, I kept trying to hand her my Safeway card (so, I could get my 50 cents off of the bag of Cheetos, of course), but she was chatting with the bagger and didn’t notice. I finally just snapped.
“Hey! Pay attention!” I barked.
It just wasn’t me. I swear. It was the BLIND CHEETOS RAGE!
Once in the parking lot, I actually considered forgoing the usual car seat battle with Scout just so I could get home and tear into those nummy, nummy Cheetos that much sooner.
After all, we were only a mile away from the house and it was neighborhood streets the whole way. Was safety reeeeeallly necessary?
(I’m only KIDDING. I buckled Scout into his car seat. I would never place my secret love-hate for processed cheese product before my very real love for my child. I, however, have absolutely no problems using processed FRUIT product, such as “My Little Pony Fruit Snacks”, to bribe my son to get into his car seat faster…)
(Why “My Little Pony”, you ask? They were out of the “Finding Nemo Snacks”, so he asked for the one with the “flying horseys” and who am I to discriminate against fruit snacks on the basis of color (pastel) or gender (girly)…)
I was in such a blur that I left I my wallet in the shopping cart (!!!). After twenty minutes of being home, there was a knock at my front door. A sweet, thoughtful girl had found my wallet and drove it all the way to my house to return it in person…
I just wanted to hug her…sticky orange fingers and all. Instead, I offered her a reward which she refused.
I was so floored and grateful that I didn’t even check to see if everything was still in it until well after she left. It was, which made me feel even crappier for being such a jerk to the check-out lady.
It’s nice to know that there are wonderful and decent people in the world. I’m just not going be one of them for a few more weeks.