Chores, Choices, and Kids’ Allowance: What’s the Right Approach?

From time to time, the idea of giving an allowance is subversively bandied about Scout’s school. The classes participate in a monthly service project. One month it’s collecting coats for kids, another they are collecting gently-loved books for a local shelter. It’s all very sweet and wonderful. However, I was a bit taken a back when, a year ago, my son asked to do chores so he could buy a cow.

“A cow?” I asked amused, wondering if this was real or a flight of fancy

“Yes, a cow. Mrs. M said we need to do extra chores so we can have money to buy a cow,” he explained.

Further investigation and a note from the teacher at the bottom of his backpack later confirmed that the preschool was collecting money for Hefer International,  an organization with the goal of helping people out of poverty by giving them the tools, knowledge, and livestock to create a sustainable living.

The preschool was, in fact, going to buy someone a cow. E-I-E-I-Oooooh! 

“So could you give me some chores, Mommy?”

My (very opinionated) Opinion on Allowance

Scout was only four at the time, but already had such a kind and earnest heart. I didn’t want to say “No”, but I also wasn’t ready to confront the idea of giving my kids an allowance in exchange for chores. I suppose it is a perfectly reasonable arrangement, but there are two things that I just cannot get past:

Aren’t chores simply part of living in a house and being in a family? As in, you like clean socks, but not cockroaches. So put the dirty laundry in the basket and put your uneaten food in the bin… A cockroach-free existence is its own reward.

More importantly, I can’t name one single thing my children can do that I find worthy of payment. I mean, they certainly try. “I do it myself!” is a commonly heard rebuttal in my house. It is quickly followed by, “Help meeeeeee?”

I teach them. I guide them. I praise them. In the end, whatever it is that we are doing takes longer, is messier, and seems to require much more squealing… Who, if anyone, ought to be the one getting paid in this situation? Hmmm? 

Teaching Kids About Money

I am in no position to judge anyone’s parenting. If other families want to tie allowances to chores, it’s probably because their kids are older (and are performing duties that one would otherwise be paying a lawn service/babysitter/cleaning person to do). Perhaps it’s a way to teach kids about the importance of hard work?

As for us, I find that the exchange of money for goods and services is a simple enough concept to grasp, even for a four-year-old. The kids see Mike and I go to work everyday. They know that they will have to work one day too. That’s a given.

I see the purpose of allowance as a way to give kids an opportunity to learn how to manage money through making both good choices and bad, and with guidance from their parents. If they are going to make financial mistakes, let them make them early when the stakes are low and no one’s counting on their share of the rent.

Choices

With this mind, all of my conversation with my kids about money revolve around making choices.

Would you rather have a $5 mall pretzel or a $5 Lego set and a snack from Mommy’s purse? 

Would you rather have five little $5 Lego sets or wait to get the $25 Lego set? 

Sometimes he chooses wisely. Sometimes. But the bottom line is, I have a choice too and I reserve the right to say “no, we can’t buy that today.” End of the conversation.

Wishlists

I keep a running wishlist on my smartphone with an app called The Find (available on Apple and Android devices), with photos of the things my kids beg for at the store. From time to time, my son will go through all of the photos and realize that he wants the “super cool harbor set” more than the “police station and boat”. (Yes, I am still talking about Legos. It’s the most accessible currency for little boys.)

So now, I know what to get him for Christmas AND I’m not drowning in every set he asks for…. just the ones he loves most.

Experiences

I have written in the past about the way my kids put more value in experiences than things. I am so proud of them for this, but I also make it clear that some experiences come with a hefty price tag. Vacations, karate lessons, swim team… these things are not cheap and I am perfectly forthcoming about how we can’t afford XYZ this month because we are buying new swimsuits and floaties instead.

So how did my son raise the money to buy the village a cow?

Just because I’m not willing to tie allowance to chores doesn’t mean that my son was off the hook for raising money on his own.

Instead of household chores, I asked him to help me gather all of the toys, books, and clothing he and Lou had outgrown and take them to a local resale shop. Whatever money we got back from the sale would be his to donate or keep. We purged a good bit of clutter and made a chunk of change that day. Then, he donated  ALL of it to the cow.

I count that as two good deeds and an important lesson in giving.

Disclosure: As a Kidworth Ambassador, I was compensated for sharing how our family saves, spends, and sets goals. If you are still looking for the perfect holiday gift for a little person in your life, consider giving the gift of financial success. Consider a gift card from Kidworth. 

{image credit: Flickr, Johnson Cameraface}

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