I knew I had it all wrong when last Christmas- surrounded by a mountain of presents and a house full of family- my children could not have cared less about the presents. Both of them opened one gift, loved it, and quickly lost interest in the rest in favor of playing with their aunts and uncle.
I actually had to force them to open the rest of their gifts over the next three or four days, so I would have something to tell my in-laws when they called to ask how the kids liked the gifts. “Uh… they were… umm, great. Whatever they were… hehe”
They were ages four and one at the time. While this was NOT the reaction I had anticipated, I was not all that surprised. My children have always put more of a premium on experiences rather than things and I cannot be more grateful for that. Don’t get me wrong. They love toys and books and messy art supplies as much as the next kid… and of course, they often succumb to the “gimme-gimmes” anytime we are near a Lego store.
On the other hand, Scout still goes on and on about the first time I ever took him to Taco Bell and then to my office. Not a particularly extraordinary event, but a completely novel one to him. Yet, he can’t tell you the last thing he just HAD to have at the store.
On her second birthday, Lou was more interested in the Flip camera we were using to film her, than her presents. At one point, she took over the camera and took great glee in shooting my husband opening the gifts for her. The Bitty Baby that Mike’s mom obsessed over for weeks was presented to her, then sadly, tossed aside. Months later, it still lives in the closet and is barely played with… if ever.
As I said, I’m not surprised that my kids are like this. Mike and I have been very intentional about raising them to appreciate doing over having, and we’ve taught them this by example.
In 2008, Mike lost his job. Two weeks later, he accepted a new job… in London… and I lost my perfect life in Dallas, Texas. We had a month to reassess our worldly possessions and our house, and got rid of most of it. Scout was two at the time, and watched as toys, books, dishes, decorations, furniture… all made their way to Craigslist, Freecycle, charity shops, or were given away to friends. Then, off we three went on a grand adventure!
I can’t even tell you how many people told me that I was INSANE to leave Texas. (How could anyone leave Texas?!) Friends asked how I could just give away or sell all of our stuff. How could I give up the comfort and security of my cushy suburban existence? It was a chance to live in London. How could I not?
Eight months later, when the economy unexpectedly tanked and we once again found ourselves jobless… except this time, living abroad. We had to go through the entire process again. For a second time in his small life, my son watched as we shed belongings and packed up the rest to move back to the States. Sheepishly, we prepared to return “home”, but not quite…
A bit older and more aware, this second move took a toll on our son. Every night he would wake up and bring all of his toys into his bed, then sleep on top of them. It was as if he feared they would go away otherwise. My heart broke for him and, as a result, we got rid of very few of his things.
We moved a third time a year later. It was a local move, but no less harsh on my son. Night after night, he would ask, “Is this really my room, now?” and “When are we going back to our house?”. I had no idea if he was talking about Dallas, London, or the short gap in between when he and I lived with my parents.
This time in our life was THE most stressful. The resentment from it still bubbles up from time to time. Yet, looking back, it was also the most remarkable and it solidified our values as a family. So what did we learn in the midst of utter insanity?
Things will come and go.
Jobs will come in go.
Friends will even come and go.
What matters in life is the experiences you seize and the people who are there to embrace them with you.
Disclosure: As a Kidworth Ambassador, I was compensated for sharing how our family saves, spends, and sets goals. This is the perfect time of year to re-evaluate how you view the “stuff” in your life.
Image credit: From kalastajanvaimo.indiedays.com, via Pinterest
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Great post! We also try to stress experience over belongings to our children. And I’ve loved how you have done the same! Enjoy the upcoming holidays!
I agree with Heather, it’s all about giving them the experience as they grow! It’s fantastic to know others do the same!