We’ve been in our new house for almost two weeks and I’ve devoted that entire time to finding a place for everything (putting everything in its place) and potty training Scout… Oh yeah, AT THE SAME TIME.
It’s been madness, but that’s a whole other post of its own…
In the meantime, I’ve put off doing things like finding a new preschool for Scout or making any new friends for me. I figured that stuff would come eventually, once we’re settled and feeling a bit more with it and together.
Besides, I’ve never had trouble making new friends in the past. I like people and have every reason to believe that I am likable. In other words, I try not to bring too many neurosis to the first playdate. (All bets are off for the second…)
Surely I’ll run into another mom at the park or the grocery store. We’ll greet one another and laugh at how similar our crazy kids are. I’ll mention being the new girl in town. She’ll suggest we get together sometime and just like that, I’ll have my first mommy friend. Sigh!
(Or I could almost run into her with my car as I meander through the Gymboree parking lot (Hi, Ashley!) or blog about cooking spray, since that’s what worked before… )
After all, it didn’t take long for us to get acquainted with the neighbors on either side. Both seemed eager to check us out… er, meet us, eying the box of diapers being unloaded out of the car (“Oh, you have kids, too…”) and offering neighborly assistance (“Drop by if you need anything”).
They seemed really nice and I, a bit too eagerly, asked one of the moms if she stays home with her kids too.
She smiled at me indulgently (the same way I smile at Scout when he requests ice cream for dinner) and said, “Oh no. That’s crazy. No one stays home with their kids around here…”
Mr. D, not missing a beat, quickly stepped in and changed the subject while I digested this information.
Did you catch that?
Apparently, NO ONE stays home with their kids in all of Northern California. NO ONE.
Sure enough, our neighborhood is a ghost town by 9am. I walk Scout to the nearby park and he’s the only kid not accompanied by a grandparent or nanny. Neither of the two churches that we’ve tried so far even offer a moms’ group, something that was absolutely integral to our parish in Texas… and let’s be honest, to my overall well being and sanity.
Slightly bothered by this, I got online last night and Googled for moms groups in my area. To my relief, I found a few promising ones. However, to my utter horror they come with a few… RULES.
#1 You have to submit a photo before even being considered.
Hmm, do you think this one captures the “real me”?
#2 If approved, there’s a 30 day “cooling off period” in which one of three things can happen…
1. For some reason you can’t make it to any of their “fun, exciting, and different things to do as a group” within the first 30 days, they boot you (and your child) out of the group…
“What if I’m a little busy applying for a new California drivers license and filing damage claims with my moving company?”
“TOUGH!”
2. They decide that THEY DON’T LIKE YOU and boot you (and your child) out.
3. They like you. You like them and everyone carries on wearing pink in Wednesdays, but no dangley earrings on Fridays. Tra-la! Tra-la!
#3 NO DRAMA, MAMA. I’m talking zero tolerance, baby! If another mom goes to the organizers with a problem she’s having avec vous, it’s au revoir. No take backs. No questions asked. Tattle much?
Oh-kay. So, it’s been my experience that any group that has to put a “no drama” clause in their rules and/or has rules in the first place, probably has way more drama than I can tolerate, which is NONE at all…
Sorry, but I didn’t rush in college and I’m certainly not rushing in the real world… especially for a playgroup.
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Oh no!! I hope you can find a non-dramatic moms’ group pronto! Did you check out the MOMS’ Club? They are international and should have chapters in California. Our particular one has “rules” but they are more behavioral guidelines for playgroups, and they apologized for even having them…they were created years ago when there was a need, and they haven’t needed them since.
Hopefully that’s not the one you found!
Anyway, good luck, and I enjoy your blog!
The Casual Perfectionist’s last blog post..Not really Funny-Ha-Ha
haha WOW. Good luck with that! And that doesn’t surprise me about Northern CA that all moms are working. That’s why I live in laid back Central Coast of CA and just visit SF when I’m feeling nostalgic:) Plus our beaches are much warmer.
I’m sure you’ll find a playgroup and some like minded moms soon!
Steph’s last blog post..Products I heart.
I think that picture is a winner. You can join my mommy group anytime. I’ll bring the ice…
Good luck with the interviews. HA!
Tara R.’s last blog post..One day…
Nice to see you up and running here.
Welcome to California. Although I’m a SoCal gal, I’ll be heading up north in a few months. Maybe by then you’ll know the ropes and I can hit you up for the wealth of knowledge you will have 🙂
I think that picture is a winner. I’d let you in. Rules Schmules. Hope you find something drama free.
* TONYA *’s last blog post..THIS AND THAT AND STUFF …
Yikes, that’s so sad! That picture is friggin’ perfect though!
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Do they have a MOPs group (Mother’s of Pre-schoolers). I have never been, but have been told to look for one where ever we end up. Oh, btw…we might be finding out pretty soon!
Miss you guys!
Lauren’s last blog post..Smarty pants….
Coming out of lurkdom to say the last sentence of your post made me smile. If you lived on the other side of the country I’d totally hang out with you. 🙂
Veronica’s last blog post..A Post Where I Talk Around Everything
I do think that kids are the natural icebreaker though, so you’re lucky–I’ve been in England 2.5 years and work mostly with men so I have no way to make nice new girlfriends…
NFAH’s last blog post..In Manchester by Rail
Wow! That does sound very much like rushing a sorority and I never did that either for the obvious reasons. My neighborhood is almost all stay at home moms. I’m actually the endangered species. But we all co-exist and get along quite nicely. It helps a lot of us have girls the same age and they play together in the neighborhood since they are all old enough to run around on their own (as long as we know who’s house they are going to!).
Good luck. Hopefully it’ll get easier getting to know people in the area. I never got to know my neighbors until I had a kid or a dog. The two are natural icebreakers.
Holy cow! That’s… wow.
I understand rules, but that sounds a bit out there. Hopefully it’s for good reasons though. Maybe it keeps out the drama?
I can’t imagine living somewhere where there weren’t other stay at home mom’s or mom groups. wow.
good luck!
rachel-asouthernfairytale’s last blog post..Keep Believing
Oh, crap girl. That is why I live down here in Monterey. Good times, good times…sounds like there is something in the bottled water, you better stick to tap water!
They need a gal like you to pull the stick out for them. Good luck!
Hi Grace!
My name is Erin and I am your cousin Tom’s gf (Chicago). I found your blog address on your moving announcement card… hope you don’t mind that I “stopped” by. I really enjoy your writing. Good luck getting settled in your new digs.
I try to keep up with my own blog (http://erinstomorrow.blogspot.com). Tom is usually involved in my posts, so it might be a good way to keep tabs on him! Very nice to “meet” you.
All best,
Erin
Seriously? NOBODY stays home? And, now that I’ve quit I can say this: that sounds like Junior League insane type requirements. Totally submit the picture. If they are too hoity to want you, with all your sassy, you won’t want them.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Simulations
Listen, before you write off the playgroup altogether, it’s been my experience that one crazy nutjob can ruin everything. Maybe give them a chance, and if they really are Stepford loonies or hairy-armpit crunchy granola treetop dwellers, you can skip out. It’s also been my experience that there are a range of freaks and normal people in all of those playgroups…and sometimes the best part is that you find out about the parks and attractions in the area. Good luck! =)
PS: at the very very VERY least, it is grrrreat blog fodder. =)
Liz’s last blog post..Mardi Gras in Youngsville
I thought people in London were kind of weird… but North Carolina sounds a lot worse – a bit like an episode of desperate housewives… I hope all turns out well for you, and Good Luck with the potty training.
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