Confession. Every third day, I think about going back to work. Seriously.
Each time, my reason is completely different. Some days it’s because I caught a glimpse of the person I once was. Take charge. Ambitious. Creative. Smart. I miss that girl. She was cool. I wonder what happened to her.
Other days, my intentions are less noble. Months and months ago, while potty training my son and cleaning up yet another puddle on the floor, it would occur to me, “If I were at work right now, this would be someone else’s problem. Not mine!”.
Most of the time, it happens because, simply put, I am worn down…from LIFE. And as we all know, a body that is worn down is more susceptible to catching things….
Things like myopia and “grass-is-greener”-itis.
Then, the phone rings or I remember that we’re supposed to be somewhere, and I get back in the game. My “ambivalence” is set aside for another day. I go on doing what has to get done, because that’s what moms do.
It takes a book like Just Let Me Lie Down to remind me that the grass is NOT greener. I remember that I left my job for some very valid reasons– two to be exact…
These feelings, while oftentimes overwhelming and isolating, are not unique to me. They’re unique to motherhood. As moms, we all face the same challenges, guilt, and sense of obligation. Financial issues aside, we all have choices to make. However, the supreme choice is whether or not to be happy.
So last week, when a opportunity presented itself, I jumped on it. A leap of faith, if you will. It’s a role that’s completely in line with what I used to do, but would still allow me to be home with my kids. So after tucking my kids into their beds, I held my breath and applied. A few days later, I was asked to submit a resume.
As part of my megalomania personal growth, I update my resume each year. Although with moving and baby and moving again, I’ve been a little behind on it this year… and last, but at least I knew where to find it on my computer.
When I attempted to open the Word doc, an error message popped up saying the “file is corrupt”. I tried several more times, but it was no use. It was clear that my resume, containing all of my accomplishments and achievements, could not be salvaged.
There’s an analogy in there that I would rather not dwell upon.
Disclosure: I received a copy of Just let Me Lie Down, Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom by Kristin van Ogtrop to read and discuss as a contributor for the Silicon Valley Moms Blog. The thoughts and opinions expressed above are my own.
Kristin van Ogtrop is the editor of Real Simple magazine and writes a blog of her own called Adventures In Chaos. Her book is a fantastic read for any self-described half-insane mother. (That would be every mother, right?) You can purchase your own copy from any of these fine retailers.
To read other posts inspired this book, please click here.
