An Interesting Dilemma

We haven’t had much of a summer here by the Bay. It’s cold. It’s hot. It’s rainy. It’s cold again. Last week, Lou and I met friends at the park and both of us were bundled in jackets and long pants…. and it is mid-July!

However, there is one thing for certain. When the temperature climbs, so do the number of homeless people out and about. Rather seeking shelter somewhere covered, they can be found sitting outside of the Starbucks I frequent, on a bench at the park, or the curb in front of McDonald’s or Dollar Tree.

“California casual”  being what it is, you can’t always tell by someone’s clothing whether they are homeless or just hanging out. It isn’t until I walk right by them and notice a dirty little coffee cup or a tell-tale sack full of soda cans that I know for sure. I’ll see someone dart towards a trash can, thinking they’re just another customer tossing a used napkin or empty container. Then, I see them pull out a half-eaten sandwich. Sometimes, I’ll spot someone stretching at the park and envy the fantastic workout they must have just had, only to realize that he actually slept there all night.

The last few weekends, Lou and I were lingering outside of Mass. Too antsy and loud for the pews,  we  join the handful of other parents and toddlers who have also been exiled to the courtyard. As I was followed my daughter around the flower beds, ramps, and stairs, a woman caught my eye. She was with her young children too and we exchanged a knowing glance.

“Yeah, we’re in this together, aren’t we?” I mused as they approached. She, in turn, quietly asked if I had any cash I could spare.

“No, I don’t. I’m so very sorry,” I said, which was the truth. I seldom carry cash with me and only when I need to pay my babysitter. I probably could have offered to buy her and her family lunch, but she was no where to be found by the time Mass ended.

The following weekend, the priest gave statement after Mass, asking the congregation not to give handouts on the Church premises. Instead, he asked us to direct these people to the priest, usher, or other church officer, who would in turn direct them to the proper organization to get help.

It was billed as a security risk.

Mike and I heard the same statement, but came away from it with two very different impressions. Over lunch with the kids later that day, we had a long, non-judgmental conversation about it. Here’s how it went down:

He Said:

Mike often mentions that he bought a train ticket on the way home for someone who was stranded at the station. And because I expect it, I just nod and casually ask, “Where were they going?” or just say, “That’s nice of you, Hubby!”

Like me, he rarely carries cash. Usually he’ll only have a tenner or a fiver on him, but if he has it to give he will- no questions asked. He once found a $100 bill in the streets of Crested Butte, Colorado while we were visiting for our anniversary, and gave it to the nearest collection box.

“Someone else needs this more than us,” he said.

So, this gentle little reminder gingerly issued by the Priest did NOT sit well with him, particularly as it came shortly after a homily about the Church being full of people striving to be good and not hypocrites, as is so often the excuse of people who stop going week after week.

According to Mike, the way it came across was that the Priest was asking us to turn away from our duty as Christians to help one another.

She Said:

A few yards from our Church is my son’s school, and I do not like the  idea of random people- homeless or otherwise- hanging around the campus where I drop off my son every day for camp and/or school.  For me, it IS an issue of safety.  As a parent, I insist that the Parish and school administrators take account for everyone moving in and around the place where my child spends his day.

I also like the idea of my community being more aware of one another. Who needs help? What can we do? We contribute to programs in the business of connecting services with needs, not just at our particular parish but in the entire Diocese of San Jose. There’s job placement, St. Vincent de Paul, clothing and food drives, and so on. But is it really enough?

The statement I heard sounded like a response to a considered parent and rightfully so. While I would never dream of complaining about a mother and young children asking for help, I don’t know if I would as silent about a strange man wandering the campus.

I have a tremendous amount compassion for the mother and her children outside of my church that one day, and all of the other mothers and children (and fathers, too) who I don’t see. But, am I actually being a hypocrite for drawing the line at my kids’ safety?

{image credit: by by Михал Орела, Flickr}

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