October is National Bullying Prevention Month. During this month, communities and schools across the country are urged to bring awareness around bullying and take an active role in making it STOP.

One such effort is happening  Wednesday, October 12th– “Unity Day”, which I heard about in a letter from my son’s school.

The teachers and students are asked to wear orange as a show of support to kids who have experienced bullying. Families are also urged to wear orange ribbons, share their story, spread the word on social media, or participate in a community event.

Most of all, we  are being encouraged to have a conversation in our homes about bullying– what it is, how it is happening, and how to stop it.

While this is wonderful and awareness is the path of change, Unity Day is ONE day. 

Bullying happens everyday, and its effects can last years… if not, a lifetime.

Unfortunately, many schools are overwhelmed and don’t know how to the address it (especially if it is happening online, not on school grounds). Many parents are also stuck, not knowing what to do about it or not realizing how serious it can be. Then, there are the parents who set the example of bullying or silently send the message that “it’s okay”. 

Bullying explodes and becomes more vicious in middle school, but it actually begins as young as Kindergarten and first grade. It begins with name-calling and parents who just lift their shoulders and sigh, “Oh, boys will be boys. Whatcha’ gonna do?” or “Little girls are just like that…”

Children are told “not to tattle”, then brushed aside. Their little spats are treated as a petty squabble, because, at that age, it probably is. What is really happening is that kids are missing out on lessons about empathy, civility, and self-worth. They never learn how to stand up for themselves or others. They never learn that it’s NOT okay. They never learn to speak out.

At the beginning of the school year, CBS News’ 48 Hours presented “Bullying: Words Can Kill“. (Preview below.)  It’s available online, and an hour that I hope every parent will watch. It’s a in-depth look at what bullying is today, and what parents and school can do to help.

Unless kids have a support system at home or at school, they may never learn how to cope when the name-calling grows up and gets out of hand.  Whether or not your school has policies in place to address bullying, it’s YOUR job to be an advocate for your kids.

If you don’t teach them to stand up foe themselves, who will?

So it’s October and in my little Type-A over-achiever brain, I’m already way behind on ordering my holiday cards. WAY BEHIND!

Why? Because at one point in my life the holiday cards would be done by now– stamped, sealed, ready to go.

Of course at one point in my life, I only had to coordinate outfits with one malleable little baby, as opposed to playing hostage negotiator with one opinionated boy who insists on dressing like a “ninja” (read: monochromatic green sweats and tee shirt) and one very sassy little diva with an affinity for leopard print and “matching” navy socks with pink sandals.

” ‘Ook. Pretty sandals!” she squeals.

After all of the work required to get the family dressed, to keep the crumbs off their faces and the fingers out of their noses, I put all of my faith that the photographer will not let that effort go to waste. So, I try to invest wisely. Here are the things I look for in a family photographer:

1. A Style that Matches Our Own

Posed photos get the job done, but they certainly don’t capture a family at its best.  This is why I will never again pay for studio sessions at the mall. EVER. For approximately the same price as I would pay at a chain, I get much better quality photos and my kids are all the more happy and relaxed when not constantly coached to  ”Look here. Look here. Okay… smile!”

I look for a photographer who can capture the real smiles rather than coax the creepy fakey ones. I look for equal amounts of silly and serious, but entirely effortless and completely natural. I look for someone who gets our sense of humor.

A great photographer will be willing to work with you no matter your style– formal or casual, whimsical or straight forward.

2. Overall Quality of Work and Range of Talent

It’s a shame that anyone can call themselves a “photographer”, because that is simply not true. It takes a good eye and proficiency to produce quality photos, and I tend to be picky. Basic photography skills aside, I look for the tiny details.

Do they capture the small moments or the seconds after a smile has faded? Do their indoor photos look as stunning as their outdoor ones? Do they capture the light in eyes? Do their images tell a story, or are they just flat?

3. Must Like Children

This one speaks for itself.

It takes a special talent and extra patience to work with children. They’re unpredictable, moody, and don’t like to sit still for very long… if ever. A great family photographer should be able to work quickly and make the best of it. But an even better photographer can create a good rapport with the kids. They have to be willing to engage with the kids at their level- be silly, answer tons of “why” questions, and tell funny jokes.

It’s all about making the kids (and the parents) comfortable and making the photo session lots of fun!

4. Image Files over Prints

Every photographer seems to operate under a slightly different business model. Some only ask to be compensated for their time and are happy to give you the image files as part of that fee or for a nominal charge.

Others make their money from prints, which I find completely impractical. I presently have no room in my house for large prints, but that doesn’t mean I never will again. Nor do I like the idea of only having a day, a month, a year… to commit to ordering images in “just these sizes” and never again having the opportunity to order more.

5. Offers a variety of shots

The whole reason we take family photos is to order holiday cards at Tiny Prints. I like the flexibility to try different designs, to play around with colors and fonts, and mix and match the images. Point is, I like options and Tiny Prints has options to spare!

Last year I couldn’t decide on just one, so I ordered two different cards– one for close friends, the other for acquaintances.

I was so very pleased with how my holiday cards turned out. I found both to be equally as stunning… not just because it heavily features my family and my inlaws’ friends and my extended family sent THANK YOU cards in response to it.

6. A Great Recommendation from a Friend

Preferably a good friend with good taste.

Image credit: Jillian Kay Photography 

Disclosure: I am receiving 50 Tiny Prints Holiday Cards, but am not otherwise being compensated for this post. The thoughts and opinion in this post are my own, and do not reflect those of Tiny Prints. 

“[F]or the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” – Steve Jobs

I’m not the only person to write a post about Steve Jobs passing today. I’m not even the first. From the moment the news hit the Valley, the local news, the tech blogs I frequent, even my Facebook page…  All in a flurry of sadness, mourning, and tribute.

His passing left a profound and gaping hole in our world; a world he improved and immeasurably impacted with his ideas and innovation…. and other “i” words only he could have invented.

Stopping to consider this, I realized that it wasn’t his products or his companies that made him great (though they are insanely awesome and brilliant). It was that we all want to BE Steve.

We all want to be visionary.

We all want to be fearless.

We all want to have enough faith in ourselves to make that leap.

“[Y]ou can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”- Steve Jobs

If he left us anything, it was the idea that we need to BE who we are and embrace it.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it trying to be somebody else.”- Steve Jobs.

And, now I leave you with the commencement address from which these quotes came. Enjoy and “Stay Foolish”.

Apple would like to invite you to share your thoughts, memories, and condolences at rememberingsteve@apple.com.

I once fancied myself a bit of a baby trend expert. I knew exactly which products were the “must-have”, drool-worthy items of the moment and loved gifting them to my expectant friends. Of course, that was five and a half years ago when my first was a newborn and I actually had time to research and obsesses.

New products are constantly coming out, but once you’re out of that particular phase of life, it’s tough to keep up with it.  Even with my second child, I felt a little out-of-the-loop on most things. To this day, I still have no idea what a Num-Num is. Do you? 

While I can no longer claim to be the expert on what’s fabulous and chic in the world of  baby gifting, there’s a new and unique company founded by two moms that is! Lucky us.

Citrus Lane is a subscription-based service that delivers a monthly box filled with age-appropriate, stylish, eco-friendly baby products and helpful parenting tips. It’s the perfect gift for a new or expectant mom. You can opt to gift a “Deluxe Shower Box” or a three, six, or twelve month subscription.

Each box is tailored specifically to the baby’s age and stage, from newborn up to 18 months. Each item is hand-picked by the founders, with an emphasis on what’s fresh and new.

We are committed to doing our homework on every product we choose so that you don’t have to. We scour the internet, talk to our friends, and take recommendations from the Citrus Lane community. Most importantly, we make sure all our products work great and fulfill a real need. We also look for products that are healthy, high quality, innovative and fun, We don’t let companies pay for placement in our boxes, which is how we guarantee that the products we recommend are truly parent picks.

You never know what you’re going to get, but you can be certain that it will be lovely. You can also be certain that this will be my go-to baby shower gift from now on.

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The box featured above is the “Dining Out” box geared towards 8 month olds. It’s designed to make going out to eat with your baby less stressful and more fun. It comes with snacks and a reusable snack bag, wipes, and an adorable little Skip Hop Owl lunch box to carry everything you need.

I sent two of them to my friend, A’Dell from Are Things Complicated, Yet?, for her daughters. Being a veteran mom of two, I know better than to only send one of something awesome.

To learn more about Citrus Lane, go to their site or check out their blog. Follow them on Twitter (@CitrusLane) or “like” them on Facebook.

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Disclosure: I was invited by the Rookie Moms to a luncheon at the headquarters of Citrus Lane. I was able to tour their offices and meet their founders and staff. It was a delightful afternoon and I am so very smitten with their products, which I am happy to share with you. I was not otherwise compensated for this post. The thoughts and options expressed above are my own. 

I’m pleased to feature a guest post from Tony Anscombe, Senior Security Evangelist at AVG Technologies. As a tech writer and a parent, I am often asked how I manage tech in my own home. I, on the other hand, am always curious how executives at tech companies use their own products, particularly when it comes to their kids and Internet Security.

I very much appreciate Tony’s tips and insights into how he is teaching his 11 year-old son about being safe online. I hope it can be a help to you as well. 

A few weeks ago, I purchased a netbook for my 11 year-old son. Let’s call him “Junior.” Here’s what he had to say about his new device:

“I got my netbook five days ago as a belated birthday present. It is a brilliant device and I love the quick internet connection. I was occupied by the free games which are very good. When I got the web up, I went on soccer sites and miniclip. I also have email and a Skype account, and have phoned people like my Granddad, my sister, and my former nextdoor neighbor.”

I very much enjoyed watching my son explore his world through the new device. But I also had some concerns.  Here’s how I resolved them:

1. Parental/Guardian Supervision:

Junior is only allowed to use his netbook when a parent or adult guardian is in the room with him. We have always had this rule in our house, and as of yet, it has never caused an issue.

2. Set Usage Guidelines:

I allowed Junior to install Skype under my supervision. I created the account and credited it for outbound calls only. After some tutorial on the use of Skype, we added a few contacts and talked about usage. He is not allowed to be on calls with anyone not on the contact list I created with him, and he cannot accept requested connections without my okay. Happy just to have Skype to reach his friends and family, he had no problem with the terms.

3. Install Anti-Virus Software:

Junior’s machine came with a preloaded anti-virus application, but it was not active. We corrected this immediately by installing AVGFree.

4. Closely Monitor Email Accounts:

We have a registered domain that both my wife and I use for personal email, so I created an email box from the domain for Junior and added him to the domain email forwarding. This allows me to see all the inbound email as it’s forwarded to two email addresses rather than just one. I can keep my eye on who is sending email, and if necessary, take a look at the content—something I will only do if I see something in the inbox that appears suspicious. The set-up is easy. Once you have a domain registered, the hosting company will allow you to setup email forwarding rules on the domain address, so email addressed to Jr@domain.xxx will actually go to tony@emailbox.xxx and also Jr@emailbox.xxx.

5. Regular Monitoring:

Junior and I have had a chat and he knows that, at any time, I can monitor his device to see what he’s doing online. This includes looking at his browsing history and cookies.

6. Instilling Trust:

I’ve opted not to install Parental Controls, such as AVG Family Safety, at this time. At this stage, I believe as many parents do that kids need to know they’re trusted. I told my son as long as he demonstrates responsible behavior with the current set-up, we’ll have no need for Parental Controls.

You may have noticed I didn’t touch on another big part of Junior’s experience—gaming, which I hope to tackle in my next post.

Have you had a similar experience or additional suggestions? If so, I’d like to hear from you. Leave your comment below or email me directly on tony.anscombe@avg.com or tony@tonyanscombe.com.

 Disclosure: AVG Technologies was a sponsor of Fill the Backpack 2011.