Category: Books

On my children’s bookcase, there is a tatter copy of Margaret Wise Brown’s Goodnight Moon. It arrived as a baby gift for my first born and has been a well-loved bedtime favorite in my house ever since.

Over the years, I’ve seen various iterations of this book, including Goodnight Goon and Good Night San Francisco, but its latest revamp gives this timeless classic a digital spin!

Goodnight iPad: a Parody for the next generation written by David Milgrim under the pseudonym, Ann Droyd. (Nudge, Nudge… get it?) swaps the mittens, kittens, and bowl full of mush for LCDs, Nooks, and WiFi.

In the bright buzzing room, there was an iPad and a kid playing Doom
And a screen saver of a bird flying over the moon.
And there were three little Nooks with 10,000 books…

Intended to be funny and charming, this book is a gentle reminder to tech obsessed savvy families like mine in unplug every once in a while and just enjoy the silence. In fact, it’s good for you!

Goodnight iPad is available in actual book form (hardcover, no less) on Amazon for $10.17, and currently comes bundled with Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach (Hardcover $8.97) and Monsters Eat Whiny Children by Bruce Eric Kaplan (Hardcover $10.87).

When Mike and I first considered the idea of having kids, I suggested the idea of adopting a child. He was adopted as a baby and has always been so comfortable with the experience… not that he had much say in the matter or known any different.

He grew up in a loving home with a wonderful family. “You grew in my heart, not in my belly,” his mother still says to him, never hiding the circumstances of his birth.

She talks sweetly about the day she first saw him as “love at first sight” and “meant to be”. She makes no apologies about my husband being her favorite. It’s really sweet until I realized that this probably makes me the “lesser half”… (snort)

I’ve heard story after story of holidays, family vacations, a childhood filled with happy, happy memories… all predicated on the idea that he had been “rescued” by adoption, how lucky he is to have such a great family. It made sense to me that he would want the same for another child, but his response was something that I cannot even begin to wrap my head around.

Having his own children was his chance to find this part of him that he’s always missed and always longed to know.

On a certain level, I understand what he means. If you have ever met my parents or my sisters, then you know that I could never fully comprehend it. There is no doubt What. So. Ever. that we belong together. So steeped am I in my family’s history and drama and traits, that it’s difficult to grasp what it is to live without such an irrefutable feeling of “belonging to these people”…

While no one has ever hidden the fact that Mike was adopted, as far they’re concerned, he is theirs and they are his. End of story. Happily ever after.

Or is it?

There’s another story that I am curious to know.

Who is the woman who gave up my husband so many, many years ago? What led her to give up the baby she loved enough to carry to term? What has her life been like ever since?

There are moments when this feels like such a great unknown, fraught with far too many complicated emotions. Mostly, it’s of little consequence to our daily life together. Yet, sometimes, I wonder… and I know my husband does too.

Unfortunately, it’s not my story to tell. I can only be supportive  of whatever he decides.

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This post was inspired by The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in theDecades Before Roe v. Wade by Ann Fessler.

An adopted child herself, Ann Fessler embarked on an assignment to uncover hundreds and thousands of stories of the women who were forced to surrender children between 1945 and the passage of Roe v. Wade in 1973.  It’s an astonishing and painful read.

Today’s post was inspired by Kick in the Blog, a new creation by my dear friend, Jessica Rosenberg of It’s my life…. The idea behind it is to have a place for your thoughts to go when you’re hit with writers’ block.  True to it’s name… it’s a KICK in the blog.

The question in the inaugural prompt reads, “Who believes in you today? Who believed in you in the past?”  Here is my response:

When Patti Digh gave the keynote address at last month’s Type A Conference in Asheville, she had the whole room laughing, crying, and buzzing with excitement. Her blog, 37 Days , asks the simple, but tough question, “What would you be doing today if you only had 37 days to live?”

In her keynote, Patti read excepts from her book, Life Is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally, which was inspired by the same question. She spoke about “being enough” and “reclaiming the joy and absolutely extraordinary” in your life.

She reminded each and every single one of us that whatever it is that we have to say, to say it plainly and loudly and proudly. To be ordinary and let that be enough, because everyone has a unique “ordinary”. She spoke directly to our hearts.

And because these are lessons that I have learned time and time again, but am constantly having to re-learn (and re-learn… again), I was anxious to buy her book. Unfortunately, she only brought so many with her and the local bookstore downtown, Malaprops, was also sold out.

“Oh well,” I thought. I’ll just get it later… knowing  full-well that I would probably forget or just keep putting it off. Unintentionally, of course.

On the second day of the conference, Patti returned with a fresh stack of books. I made a beeline for her, purchased a copy, and asked her to sign it. She wrote on my book… as she probably did on everyone else’s… “With love, Patti Digh”.

She and I chatted for a few more minutes about her cute shoes and the conference.  What I really wanted to say was, “I think you’ve changed my life! Thank you!” but how exactly do you DO that without making the other person feel awkward. (If you find out, let me know.)

Life is a Verb is equal parts heart-warming memoir, life list, and valuable lessons. The chapters are short. At least, they feel that way because I never want them to end. Each is then followed with a writing prompt and an activity (experience)  that goes along with the story.

As I read each section, I am filled with so much purpose and excitement. Then, just before I shut the book, the doubts come rushing back in.

Can I do this? Will I fail… again? 

Then one night, I reached for the book and it opened to the page with “With love, Patti Digh” written on it. Since then, I have looked at it every time I pick up the book and think “Patti Digh loves me. I CAN do this…”

This is an article written by Leslie Gilbert-Lurie, author of a new book Bending Toward the Sun: A Mother and Daughter Memoir. Since Thanksgiving is a mere hours away and many of you (though not us) will be spending it with extended family, I thought it made a for fitting and timely post.

At the very least, you could use them as  non sequitur to push through those awkward conversations and/or long, stinging silences.

I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving… wherever and with whomever you will be spending it.

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For readers who still have the chance, there may be no greater gift you can give yourself and your children than to know more about your parents’ early years. Sometimes the opportunity to ask questions simply presents itself, perhaps at a family reunion, or in a relaxed setting on vacation. But for many, it will not. I’ve found that since my memoir of my mother and I, Bending Toward The Sun, came out, people have told me that they wish they had asked their parents more questions about their pasts. We often have to pro-actively initiate these probing, more intimate conversations, which are not always in our comfort zones.

However the opportunity arises, what follows are 15 suggestions that will help open up these important discussions among family members.

1. Create a family tree with your mother, father, or both. Ask them to tell you everything they know about your ancestors, including birthplaces and important dates in their lives.

2. Ask your mother or father to describe his or her primary childhood home. Perhaps he or she can go on to tell you about a particularly happy memory of an event that took place there, and a painful memory as well.

3. Ask your parent what books, movies, and music were his or her favorite as a child. You can then move from there to ask about current favorite books or movies.

4. Childhood heroes provide a rich topic of conversation. Ask your parents who their childhood heroes were. Again, you can move from childhood to present day and explore whom they most admire and why.

5. Explore the family vacations your parents took as a child. Ask about where they particularly liked to go, and whether there were any trips they disliked.

6. Try and discover what the rules were in your mother’s or father’s family, and which of these rules, if any, they felt were unfair. Also use this opportunity to learn what responsibilities your parents had as children, and how these contributed to the people your parents evolved into.

7. Inquire about the things your parents wanted to do as children but could not because your grandparents wouldn’t allow them to, they were unaffordable, or your parents did not possess the talent or skills to do them.

8. Ask your parents what questions they wish they had asked their own parents but never did.

9. It is not always easy to ask parents about their own fears, but it provides a good opportunity for mutual understanding. Ask your mother or father what he or she was afraid of as a child and about what he or she fears most today.

10. Ask your father or mother to describe a crush he or she had, or a special teenage romance.

11. Explore how your parents perceived themselves as children. Ask them how they thought adults and peers viewed them, and which aspects of these perceptions were accurate or inaccurate.

12. Ask your parents what first attracted them to each other, and what they most respect or respected in the other. If they are no longer married to one another, see if they will discuss what drove them apart and why.

13. Probe into the highs and lows of your parents’ lives. Ask about their proudest accomplishments and greatest disappointments. If they had one thing to do over in life up to this point, what would it be and why?

14. While they are reflecting, ask your mother or father what they would most want to be famous for, if they were destined to be famous for something.

15. Don’t miss the opportunity to explore how your parents view you. Ask your parents what about you reminds them of themselves at the same age. Ask what they are proudest of in you. And, if you are feeling particularly comfortable by that point in the conversation, ask if they have any questions to for you.

Most people have neither the time nor the desire to spend a decade writing a memoir about a parent or close family member, as my mother and I had the opportunity to do. But even a couple hours spent exploring the past with a parent could provide new and deeper appreciation and understanding. Moreover, a few pages of heart-felt answers could be very satisfying and useful to future generations.

©2010 Leslie Gilbert-Lurie, author of Bending Toward the Sun: A Mother and Daughter Memoir

It was my friend Mary’s turn to host playgroup. So it was her gorgeous backyard on a sunny Friday morning where we were gathered and having the most lighthearted of conversations–  setting up trusts and awarding guardianship for our boys in case both parents die…

It was a laugh riot, as you can imagine.

My son, an only child at the time, couldn’t have been more than eighteen months old, but my husband and I had already named a guardian for him– my sister. More devoted and involved than any aunt has ever been and living nearby, she was such an ideal choice that we never gave it a second thought.

Little did I know on that bright, beautiful day in the suburbs that we would be moving across the country, much less across the world. I had hoped, but had no idea that we’d have a second child. I didn’t know keeping regular contact with family across five states and two timezones would be so difficult.

Dropping by every few days, my sister was once a fixture in my son’s daily life. She once knew our  routines, our little sing-song memes, and the order in which books were read at bedtime. It’s hard to explain all that in a will… with or without adding a younger sibling to the mix.

Life hasn’t exactly stood still for my sister either. After we moved away, she bought a house, took a promotion, and got married. I worry how well she and her husband will be able to handle my children. After all, there are many days when I don’t know how I’m going to handle them…

It doesn’t help that my sister makes a point of mentioning that she never wants to have kids. On the other hand, she keeps a room in her house just for Scout and Lou and tears up whenever she has to say “good bye” to them.

My sister and brother-in-law are both talented educators. They share our faith and values, our history, and even our sense of humor.  They are good people and most important of all, they adore our children. I have no reason to believe that they would be anything but wonderful guardians, yet I find myself lecturing them on my parenting philosophies upon the simplest of prompts.

I’m pretty sure the last time we spoke, my sister was all, “Dude, we just wanted to know how preschool is going…”

It’s moments like this when I think back to that day at playgroup. My friends and I each talked about who we had (or had not) chosen as guardians and why. Most of us cited similar parenting styles, shared beliefs, etc. Then, my other friend Marci made a very excellent point.

Once we’re gone, we’re gone… and for all this planning and fretting, there’s nothing else we can do or say about how our children are being raised.

My breath still stops and panic sets in when I think about that comment. My whole mom existence is schedules, systems, and planning, planning, planning. The realization of how little control I ultimately have is tough to comprehend.

Yet,  I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently as I read The Kids Are All Right, a memoir written by four siblings which has nothing to do with that movie (You know. The one that stole its title… )

Funny, heart-breaking, and honest, this book details the years following their father’s mysterious death, their mother’s cancer diagnosis, and their separation once she passed away. Each of the  kids alternates in telling their story– misdeeds, fears, and all.

Throughout most of the book, it’s very clear that they kids were NOT all right. At one point, I wanted to go back to 1986 specifically so I could rescue the youngest from her emotionally abusive adoptive home.

As a reader, you just know this isn’t the way their devoted and loving parents would have wanted their kids’ lives to play out. As a parent, it makes you want to reach out and hold your own children, whispering a lifetime of “I love you’s” in their ears…  Just in case.

Yet, this sort of stuff happens all the time. It happened to them. I could happen to us.  We can try to prepare, but ultimately, we just have to trust that we’ve planned the best we could and hope that the kids will be all right.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of The Kids Are All Right as part of the From Left To Write Book Club. I was not otherwise compensated from my review. The thoughts and options expressed above are my own. If you would like to read more posts inspired by The Kids Are All Right, please visit the From Left To Write website.

If you would like to purchase a copy of this book, please go here. More information is available on their website.