Category: Parenting Joys

When you start thinking of parenting in terms of an overall context and an end goal, as I have recently started to do with Marble Jar, certain behaviors suddenly go from being an aggravation to a teachable moment.

Realizing that things aren’t necessarily about being “bad” as opposed to “good”, we’ve shifted the conversations to the difference between right and wrong. I’m more patient with my kids, knowing that they aren’t trying to be difficult. They are just trying to figure out how the world works and their place in it. And, sometimes, there are bumps along the way…

Here is an example.  My five-year-old son’s tattling has recently morphed into full-fledged, blatant lying.

Now, I am by no means a parenting expert, so I have no idea why little kids lie. I can, however, tell you that lies at this age are nothing like the ones teenagers or adult tell. First of all, little kid lies are usually ridiculous, completely transparent, and pointless. It is easy to blow them off as nothing because it’s take just as long to make sense of them and it is to explain why it’s wrong.

Little kids’ lies aren’t about getting away with something, sparing someone else’s feelings, or being deceitful. Usually, their lies are all about the moment and nothing more.

Their motivations are also completely different as well. They lie because they want to avoid punishment or because they really don’t know the difference between make-believe and real life.  Sometimes, they lie just for the attention… as I suspect is the case with my son.

So one Friday morning a few weeks ago, Mike and I woke up and rushed to get the kids up and to the breakfast table. Once they were settled in front of their bowls of cereal, Mike ran outside to take the trash to the curb and I went to take a quick shower.

I had barely lathered (well on my way to rinse and repeat) when Scout ran frantically into the bathroom. “Mommy, Lou is choking! Lou is choking!”

I scrambled out of the tub, shampoo running into my eyes and water dripping everywhere. I grabbed my towel and barely covered myself as I slipped and slid into the kitchen to find… Lou was completely and totally fine.

She wasn’t even eating… much less choking… on anything.

When my daughter saw me, she wanted to get up from the table and I had to coax her to stay put and finish breakfast. Then, she and I had to go through the whole charade of convincing her to eat. She would refuse. I would find another way to ask…

Several precious minutes later, I was finally able to resume my shower– steamed about the time we had squandered and fuming at my son. We were late to school and work again that day, and all I could sputter and spew at my son was, “Why?! Why would you make up something like that?”

“Opps, I forgot…” he said, which is his version of when someone says, “I’m just joking. Can’t you take a joke?” when you know that they weren’t joking at all.

I let if go for the moment, but it was no surprise when, a few days later, a note came home from his teacher informing us that Scout had told a lie in school about a classmate.

I asked my otherwise truthful and over-sharing son to explain what happened and he dutifully spared no detail. As he did, the words that I was too exasperated and frazzled to form a few mornings before, came to me in a spark. There, presenting itself was a “teachable moment”.

While it may seem harmless  or fun to make up a little story or get everyone riled up, lies affect everyone around you.  I pointed out how his little lie about his sister choking caused unnecessary drama and made the entire family late that morning. Likewise, telling a lie about his classmate made his friend get in trouble, and probably took time away from class or recess.

“How would you feel if someone made up a story about you and you got in trouble for it?” I asked him.  ”Bad and no fair”, he said.

For the first time, I was able to provide him with a clear correlation between his words and actions with a real-life situation. A true cause-and-effect. The bigger lesson, of course, is how interconnected human beings really are to one another. The small lesson is how hurtful and damaging lies can be.

I can assure you that making these connections had a far greater impact on my impressionable son than if I had given him a timeout or simply said “lying is bad” and left it at that.

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Marble Jar is available for the iPhone/iPad for FREE in the App Store.  To learn more about this app, read:

• My introduction post on Marble Jar in which I outline how (and why) to start using this app.
• My interview with founders: parenting expert, Vicki Hoefle from Parenting on Track, and Winwin Apps developer, Anna Rosenblum Palmer.
• Creating a family mission statement with Marble Jar.

Disclosure: This post is the final part of a compensated series sponsored by Marble Jar . The thoughts and opinons expressed in this post are my own, and do not reflect those of Marble Jar or its founders. 

{Image Credit: “Goofus and Gallant”, Highlights for Kids. October, 1980) 

On my children’s bookcase, there is a tatter copy of Margaret Wise Brown’s Goodnight Moon. It arrived as a baby gift for my first born and has been a well-loved bedtime favorite in my house ever since.

Over the years, I’ve seen various iterations of this book, including Goodnight Goon and Good Night San Francisco, but its latest revamp gives this timeless classic a digital spin!

Goodnight iPad: a Parody for the next generation written by David Milgrim under the pseudonym, Ann Droyd. (Nudge, Nudge… get it?) swaps the mittens, kittens, and bowl full of mush for LCDs, Nooks, and WiFi.

In the bright buzzing room, there was an iPad and a kid playing Doom
And a screen saver of a bird flying over the moon.
And there were three little Nooks with 10,000 books…

Intended to be funny and charming, this book is a gentle reminder to tech obsessed savvy families like mine in unplug every once in a while and just enjoy the silence. In fact, it’s good for you!

Goodnight iPad is available in actual book form (hardcover, no less) on Amazon for $10.17, and currently comes bundled with Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach (Hardcover $8.97) and Monsters Eat Whiny Children by Bruce Eric Kaplan (Hardcover $10.87).

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. During this month, communities and schools across the country are urged to bring awareness around bullying and take an active role in making it STOP.

One such effort is happening  Wednesday, October 12th– “Unity Day”, which I heard about in a letter from my son’s school.

The teachers and students are asked to wear orange as a show of support to kids who have experienced bullying. Families are also urged to wear orange ribbons, share their story, spread the word on social media, or participate in a community event.

Most of all, we  are being encouraged to have a conversation in our homes about bullying– what it is, how it is happening, and how to stop it.

While this is wonderful and awareness is the path of change, Unity Day is ONE day. 

Bullying happens everyday, and its effects can last years… if not, a lifetime.

Unfortunately, many schools are overwhelmed and don’t know how to the address it (especially if it is happening online, not on school grounds). Many parents are also stuck, not knowing what to do about it or not realizing how serious it can be. Then, there are the parents who set the example of bullying or silently send the message that “it’s okay”. 

Bullying explodes and becomes more vicious in middle school, but it actually begins as young as Kindergarten and first grade. It begins with name-calling and parents who just lift their shoulders and sigh, “Oh, boys will be boys. Whatcha’ gonna do?” or “Little girls are just like that…”

Children are told “not to tattle”, then brushed aside. Their little spats are treated as a petty squabble, because, at that age, it probably is. What is really happening is that kids are missing out on lessons about empathy, civility, and self-worth. They never learn how to stand up for themselves or others. They never learn that it’s NOT okay. They never learn to speak out.

At the beginning of the school year, CBS News’ 48 Hours presented “Bullying: Words Can Kill“. (Preview below.)  It’s available online, and an hour that I hope every parent will watch. It’s a in-depth look at what bullying is today, and what parents and school can do to help.

Unless kids have a support system at home or at school, they may never learn how to cope when the name-calling grows up and gets out of hand.  Whether or not your school has policies in place to address bullying, it’s YOUR job to be an advocate for your kids.

If you don’t teach them to stand up foe themselves, who will?

I’m pleased to feature a guest post from Tony Anscombe, Senior Security Evangelist at AVG Technologies. As a tech writer and a parent, I am often asked how I manage tech in my own home. I, on the other hand, am always curious how executives at tech companies use their own products, particularly when it comes to their kids and Internet Security.

I very much appreciate Tony’s tips and insights into how he is teaching his 11 year-old son about being safe online. I hope it can be a help to you as well. 

A few weeks ago, I purchased a netbook for my 11 year-old son. Let’s call him “Junior.” Here’s what he had to say about his new device:

“I got my netbook five days ago as a belated birthday present. It is a brilliant device and I love the quick internet connection. I was occupied by the free games which are very good. When I got the web up, I went on soccer sites and miniclip. I also have email and a Skype account, and have phoned people like my Granddad, my sister, and my former nextdoor neighbor.”

I very much enjoyed watching my son explore his world through the new device. But I also had some concerns.  Here’s how I resolved them:

1. Parental/Guardian Supervision:

Junior is only allowed to use his netbook when a parent or adult guardian is in the room with him. We have always had this rule in our house, and as of yet, it has never caused an issue.

2. Set Usage Guidelines:

I allowed Junior to install Skype under my supervision. I created the account and credited it for outbound calls only. After some tutorial on the use of Skype, we added a few contacts and talked about usage. He is not allowed to be on calls with anyone not on the contact list I created with him, and he cannot accept requested connections without my okay. Happy just to have Skype to reach his friends and family, he had no problem with the terms.

3. Install Anti-Virus Software:

Junior’s machine came with a preloaded anti-virus application, but it was not active. We corrected this immediately by installing AVGFree.

4. Closely Monitor Email Accounts:

We have a registered domain that both my wife and I use for personal email, so I created an email box from the domain for Junior and added him to the domain email forwarding. This allows me to see all the inbound email as it’s forwarded to two email addresses rather than just one. I can keep my eye on who is sending email, and if necessary, take a look at the content—something I will only do if I see something in the inbox that appears suspicious. The set-up is easy. Once you have a domain registered, the hosting company will allow you to setup email forwarding rules on the domain address, so email addressed to Jr@domain.xxx will actually go to tony@emailbox.xxx and also Jr@emailbox.xxx.

5. Regular Monitoring:

Junior and I have had a chat and he knows that, at any time, I can monitor his device to see what he’s doing online. This includes looking at his browsing history and cookies.

6. Instilling Trust:

I’ve opted not to install Parental Controls, such as AVG Family Safety, at this time. At this stage, I believe as many parents do that kids need to know they’re trusted. I told my son as long as he demonstrates responsible behavior with the current set-up, we’ll have no need for Parental Controls.

You may have noticed I didn’t touch on another big part of Junior’s experience—gaming, which I hope to tackle in my next post.

Have you had a similar experience or additional suggestions? If so, I’d like to hear from you. Leave your comment below or email me directly on tony.anscombe@avg.com or tony@tonyanscombe.com.

 Disclosure: AVG Technologies was a sponsor of Fill the Backpack 2011. 

Friday afternoon, my son greeted me after school a huge smile and a heavy backpack.

“Is this all of your work from your very first week of Kindergarten?” I asked in delirious excitement.

“No, Mommy. It’s something for you,” he said handing over his load. Inside was The Entertainment Book, two catalogs- one for cookie dough and one for wrapping paper, and a letter to the parents. Gee thanks, school.  

This is my third year as a parent at this school, so I know the drill and I  know that the school really needs the help. Incidentally, this is also the third year that I’ve petitioned for a “Write a Check” campaign and have been refused. Apparently, our school has some very “motivated” parents who like the thrill of the sale and I am definitely NOT one of them.

I went to private school all of my life and I’ve choose to do the same for my own children. I know this part of the deal, but things have changed significantly since my day.

For one, my little sister and I actually used to go door to door unaccompanied throughout the far-reaches of our neighborhood to do our school fundraising– something completely unheard of these days.  I barely let my children play in the front yard without my supervision, so the onus of raising these funds are all on me, which brings me back to my original point…

Let’s just have a ”Write a Check” campaign and call it a day, shall we? No? Huumph. 

In that case, here are three fundraising ideas that have captured my imagination and my heart in the past few days: 

Original Works of Art

Last week, Cool Mom Picks featured an interesting school fundraising idea from Portrait Press Fundraising. Instead of shilling stuffy wrapping paper or cookie dough I wouldn’t trust to spackle a bathtub, why not offer original art from the kids in the class?

Two Brooklyn parents–daunted by the amount of money their schools always needed (but couldn’t seem to raise)–realized that if they sold an item everyone wanted, money could be raised with a lot less fuss. So they developed their Portrait Press fundraising kit, wherein each class creates artwork for a tea towel, pillowcase, or tote bag.  (source: Cool Mom Picks)

It’s a very sweet idea, but…. of course, I can’t seem to leave well enough alone.  I would only be interested if I could purchase just MY kids’ artwork or hand print or whatever on the object.

Frankly, I don’t really want to remember the kid who threw Scout’s shoe in the toilet and thereby forced me to carry him… and his backpack… and his lunchbox… and his sister to the car…

Yes. This is a true story. It happened a few weeks ago during camp, but I’m still bitter about it. Slightly.

Building a Library

Another idea that my co-room parent offered up for the school auction in the Spring is to have the Kindergarten paint a bookcase. Each family contributes a few book to put on it and the entire thing is put on auction. The highest bidder would get to keep the bookcase and all of the books.

It supports reading. It involves the parents and the kids, and it’s something people would actually want. I love, love, love this idea.

Priceless Photos into Holiday Cards

No one can resist adorable photos of their own child, especially when an expert photographer is taking them!

To help raise money for the school, a parent at my Lou’s daycare volunteered to do photo sessions with the kids dressed up as cowboys and girls and riding a pony. I don’t typically go for these sort of staged photos. In fact, I think they are super cheesy, but the look on my daughter’s face riding that pony…. OH MY OVARIES! I bought them. I bought them all!

The best part about it was of the surprise factor. They didn’t announced that they were doing these photos. Well, maybe they did? I don’t know since I’m so rushed trying to get to and from work from the school that I never pay attention to the signs and notices posted.

Of course, this makes me a perfect sucker for these things, because when do busy, over-scheduled, frazzled working parents have time to organize professional photos. Uh, never.

I would have gladly paid triple the amount if they had let me bring my son and given me the digital images for my Christmas cards.

What are your thoughts on school fundraising? What has worked for your school? What has flopped? 

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Remember: Leave a comment on this post for an additional entry into our Fill the Backpack giveaway. Each member of Splash Creative Media is offering a backpack overstuffed with over $750 worth of  Back to School merchandise.  Enter to win on any or on all of our blogs.

Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Splash Creative Media as part of the Fill the Backpack Campaign. The thoughts, ideas, and opinions expressed in this post are my own and do not reflect those of  Splash Creative Media or any of our Fill the Backpack sponsors.