Category: My Life Story

Everywhere I went yesterday, people kept asking me if I was hosting Thanksgiving, what I planned to serve, and who I was having over…

“Host” is quite an ambitious word for what I do every single day, which is put a meal on the table that my kids will turn their noses to and my husband will clean up after. Ha!

Yes, it is just the four of us this Thanksgiving. After a week of the flu, coughing, and sneezing… and far too many hours logged into work,  we begged off an invitation to dinner at relatives in favor of staying close to home and together.

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the little break and for this quite weekend with my littles and my hubby, and I hope you have a wonderful one too!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 

When you start thinking of parenting in terms of an overall context and an end goal, as I have recently started to do with Marble Jar, certain behaviors suddenly go from being an aggravation to a teachable moment.

Realizing that things aren’t necessarily about being “bad” as opposed to “good”, we’ve shifted the conversations to the difference between right and wrong. I’m more patient with my kids, knowing that they aren’t trying to be difficult. They are just trying to figure out how the world works and their place in it. And, sometimes, there are bumps along the way…

Here is an example.  My five-year-old son’s tattling has recently morphed into full-fledged, blatant lying.

Now, I am by no means a parenting expert, so I have no idea why little kids lie. I can, however, tell you that lies at this age are nothing like the ones teenagers or adult tell. First of all, little kid lies are usually ridiculous, completely transparent, and pointless. It is easy to blow them off as nothing because it’s take just as long to make sense of them and it is to explain why it’s wrong.

Little kids’ lies aren’t about getting away with something, sparing someone else’s feelings, or being deceitful. Usually, their lies are all about the moment and nothing more.

Their motivations are also completely different as well. They lie because they want to avoid punishment or because they really don’t know the difference between make-believe and real life.  Sometimes, they lie just for the attention… as I suspect is the case with my son.

So one Friday morning a few weeks ago, Mike and I woke up and rushed to get the kids up and to the breakfast table. Once they were settled in front of their bowls of cereal, Mike ran outside to take the trash to the curb and I went to take a quick shower.

I had barely lathered (well on my way to rinse and repeat) when Scout ran frantically into the bathroom. “Mommy, Lou is choking! Lou is choking!”

I scrambled out of the tub, shampoo running into my eyes and water dripping everywhere. I grabbed my towel and barely covered myself as I slipped and slid into the kitchen to find… Lou was completely and totally fine.

She wasn’t even eating… much less choking… on anything.

When my daughter saw me, she wanted to get up from the table and I had to coax her to stay put and finish breakfast. Then, she and I had to go through the whole charade of convincing her to eat. She would refuse. I would find another way to ask…

Several precious minutes later, I was finally able to resume my shower– steamed about the time we had squandered and fuming at my son. We were late to school and work again that day, and all I could sputter and spew at my son was, “Why?! Why would you make up something like that?”

“Opps, I forgot…” he said, which is his version of when someone says, “I’m just joking. Can’t you take a joke?” when you know that they weren’t joking at all.

I let if go for the moment, but it was no surprise when, a few days later, a note came home from his teacher informing us that Scout had told a lie in school about a classmate.

I asked my otherwise truthful and over-sharing son to explain what happened and he dutifully spared no detail. As he did, the words that I was too exasperated and frazzled to form a few mornings before, came to me in a spark. There, presenting itself was a “teachable moment”.

While it may seem harmless  or fun to make up a little story or get everyone riled up, lies affect everyone around you.  I pointed out how his little lie about his sister choking caused unnecessary drama and made the entire family late that morning. Likewise, telling a lie about his classmate made his friend get in trouble, and probably took time away from class or recess.

“How would you feel if someone made up a story about you and you got in trouble for it?” I asked him.  ”Bad and no fair”, he said.

For the first time, I was able to provide him with a clear correlation between his words and actions with a real-life situation. A true cause-and-effect. The bigger lesson, of course, is how interconnected human beings really are to one another. The small lesson is how hurtful and damaging lies can be.

I can assure you that making these connections had a far greater impact on my impressionable son than if I had given him a timeout or simply said “lying is bad” and left it at that.

——————–

Marble Jar is available for the iPhone/iPad for FREE in the App Store.  To learn more about this app, read:

• My introduction post on Marble Jar in which I outline how (and why) to start using this app.
• My interview with founders: parenting expert, Vicki Hoefle from Parenting on Track, and Winwin Apps developer, Anna Rosenblum Palmer.
• Creating a family mission statement with Marble Jar.

Disclosure: This post is the final part of a compensated series sponsored by Marble Jar . The thoughts and opinons expressed in this post are my own, and do not reflect those of Marble Jar or its founders. 

{Image Credit: “Goofus and Gallant”, Highlights for Kids. October, 1980) 

On my children’s bookcase, there is a tatter copy of Margaret Wise Brown’s Goodnight Moon. It arrived as a baby gift for my first born and has been a well-loved bedtime favorite in my house ever since.

Over the years, I’ve seen various iterations of this book, including Goodnight Goon and Good Night San Francisco, but its latest revamp gives this timeless classic a digital spin!

Goodnight iPad: a Parody for the next generation written by David Milgrim under the pseudonym, Ann Droyd. (Nudge, Nudge… get it?) swaps the mittens, kittens, and bowl full of mush for LCDs, Nooks, and WiFi.

In the bright buzzing room, there was an iPad and a kid playing Doom
And a screen saver of a bird flying over the moon.
And there were three little Nooks with 10,000 books…

Intended to be funny and charming, this book is a gentle reminder to tech obsessed savvy families like mine in unplug every once in a while and just enjoy the silence. In fact, it’s good for you!

Goodnight iPad is available in actual book form (hardcover, no less) on Amazon for $10.17, and currently comes bundled with Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach (Hardcover $8.97) and Monsters Eat Whiny Children by Bruce Eric Kaplan (Hardcover $10.87).

This morning, I woke up (very, very early) to the sound of Mike’s alarm clock. He hadn’t adjusted it before going to bed because no one had informed him of the time change.

Mike wasn’t there to turn it off because he was already up and watching TV with the kids. I guess, no one had bothered to inform them of the time change either…

I turned off the alarm and feel back asleep.

I dreamed that I was moderating a “town hall” panel on bringing change to Africa, chaired by none other than, Oprah, India Arie, and One Mom and Rock and Roll Mama, Lindsay Maines.

Now, if only dreaming was the same as doing…

What did you do with your extra hour today?

{Image Credit: Ian Sane}

In a few minutes, I’m boarding a flight and covering a press event in Southern Cali. It’s a quick trip and not even very far, but it’s an eternity in terms of documenting the logistics involved with two kids and a household. All of which will be in the care of my husband in my absence.

It’s not that my husband can’t handle everything. It’s just that he doesn’t, so I normally don’t bother sharing details like what time the house cleaners show up or where you’re supposed to stand for afternoon pick up.

Earlier this week, I could tell that my constant reminders about this and that were causing a hint of shock and panic in his eyes. So I took the time to write it all down—color-coded and by date and child.

What they ought to wear. What needs to be brought to school. Pick up times. 

Before I packed my bags, I made sure all of the checks for daycare were written and homework folders were completed. I order extra diapers and bought snacks for my daughter’s “God’s Creation Celebration” (her new Christian preschool’s nod to Halloween). I filled the freezer with food, pretending that we don’t always eat like that anyway….

It’s a lot to remember and I usually rely on a series of notes and daily alarms to tell me of where I need to be at any given moment. Even then, I still send back permission slips without a check and forget to return the unsold Entertainment Book and raffle tickets. (oops!)

It’s only gotten worse since I  started working in an office again, but I don’t care if I come off as a slacker mom to other people.  I’m willing to give up my reputation as the “one in the know” and skimping on the home-cooked meal, so long as my kids never feel the pinch.

Luckily, I’ve managed to shape my hours and my travel around their schedules. I‘m doubly lucky to have a supportive husband who is willing to embrace the chaos while I’m away.

I was feeling pretty confident about leaving for a few days until I received an email from my son’s teacher. She wrote to inform me that he is being given an award at morning assembly tomorrow.

It’s a surprise (so, shh… don’t tell him) and I won’t be there to see the look on his sweet little face.

Suddenly, I don’t know that I am making a fair exchange or that they won’t be feeling the pinch.