Category: All About ME

Last December, I reflected on the 11 things my life doesn’t need in 2011 as part of #reverb10. Here they are again in no particular order: Wishing for my old life back, Perfection, Energy Sucks, “Yes”, Fear, Worry, Stuff, Other People’s Issues, Wishing instead of Doing, Bulk, and Hurry.

How did I do?

Fear and Worry are a given when you’re a parent… and a human being. It’s what drives and motivates us. They are inescapable, but I did make an effort in 2011 to not let them rule my life entirely. Mostly, it had to do with not reacting, but instead, thinking through what is and is not a valuable outcome.

Perfection, Energy Sucks, and Other People’s Issues were easy to ditch in 2011. I just didn’t have the time! I was too busy doing (instead of wishing) and attempting to move my own life forward.

I still have an issue with saying “Yes” to too many things, but the difference was that the “yes” was more often something for us—volunteering at the kids’ schools,  putting in more effort at my moms’ group, finding interesting projects, etc. I’ve discovered that “yes” to things that enrich our lives is a thousand times more satisfying than a “yes” to win someone’s love and approval.

I will always wish for my old life back, but not in the same sense. There are a lot of things that I miss from when I used to be some place I thought I would be forever and ever– a sense of community, a sense of belonging. In many ways, we have found those things here. In other ways, we have not.

I found myself less attached to Stuff, as evidenced by my massive end-of-year clean out of the garage and closets. All of the girl clothes went to my best friend’s infant daughter. All of the boy clothes went to my cousin’s two sons. The rest were dropped off at Goodwill. I also made an effort to purchase less in 2011, and instead spend more on experiences with the kids—activities, day trips, museum passes.

Excessive Bulk and Hurry are things I am (unfortunately) carrying with me into 2012. I just have to keep working at it.

It was more difficult to come up with a list of “12 things my life doesn’t need in 2012″, since the very first things I could think of are squarely NOT within my control. For instance, “surprises” (not the fun kind)…  2011 was going well enough until the very, very end. Then *smack*… SURPRISE!

On that note, I would also love do away with uncertainty, instability, and frustration.  Don’t we all.

So rather than coming up with 12 things I don’t need in 2012, I decided to focus on 12 things I want to accomplish in 2012. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Complete my blog redesign. Yes, the same blog redesign that I teased you with months ago. The project was put on hold because I got busy and overwhelmed. I hoped to have it ready before 2012… Now, I hope to have it done by the end of the month.

2. Take a photography class. Per my Tech Resolutions in 2012… It’s either this or improve my Photoshop skills.

3. Set limits on my work. 2011 was the year of the 24/7 work week. Yet, I ended the year feeling as if I had accomplished NOTHING and let everyone down. How does that work? Well, I was constantly chasing after projects and to-do lists, then staying up until the breaking point to complete them. I was so crazy exhausted that I never did anything very well.

One of my goals in 2012 is to set aside dedicated work hours and dedicated non-work hours. There will be days when my computer stays shut and my phone will be used as…a phone. I owe it to my family. I owe it to myself.

4. Focus on a single meaningful project.  Drop the things that have been holding me back. Do the things that move me forward.

5. Exercise regularly. If only for the alone time…

6. Reading for pleasure. Writing for fun. 

7. Create family rituals. Friday movie night. Saturday bike ride. Sunday dinner. Whatever it is, I want there to be one thing that our family does together once a week.

8. Take the time to be a good wife. Seven years doesn’t seem like very long time to be married, especially since our parents’ marriages are going strong at 30+ and 40+ years. Yet, the past few years of my marriage have been tough for a variety of reasons. Yet, there have been glimmers and moments when I remember why I fell in love with Mike in the first place.  Actually, there are glimmers and moment every single day. I’ve just been too busy to notice… In 2012, I want more glimmers and moments.

9. Reclaim my faith. As much as the past few years have been a strain on my marriage, it has been doubly so for my faith.

10. Post my work goals in plain sight. It feels like cheating to list “making goals” as a goal, but taking the time to think through and really imagine what I want to accomplish professionally. What are these sleepless nights, deadlines, and endless hours all about? This is huge.

11. Start a Gratitude Project. I started one at the beginning of 2011, but let it fall by the way side.

12. Remember to smile and savor the moment.

What are the 12 things your life needs more of in 2012? How will you go about getting them? How will getting these things change your life?

This morning, I woke up (very, very early) to the sound of Mike’s alarm clock. He hadn’t adjusted it before going to bed because no one had informed him of the time change.

Mike wasn’t there to turn it off because he was already up and watching TV with the kids. I guess, no one had bothered to inform them of the time change either…

I turned off the alarm and feel back asleep.

I dreamed that I was moderating a “town hall” panel on bringing change to Africa, chaired by none other than, Oprah, India Arie, and One Mom and Rock and Roll Mama, Lindsay Maines.

Now, if only dreaming was the same as doing…

What did you do with your extra hour today?

{Image Credit: Ian Sane}

At around 1:30 am every night, I hear Lou scream in her sleep, “No Mommy. No Mommy. I not want you. I want DADDY!”

Because it’s not enough for her to hate me when she’s awake, she dreams about it too.

The last few days, she’s taken to screaming fits like that ones that used to consume most of her day (and mine) when she was just a wee little infant. It’s the same never-ending, blood-curling, inconsolable howl that drove me into post-partum depression and thoughts of driving into a highway divider. (Yes, I am serious. No, not with the kids. Of course, I got help.)

Once a tenacious foodie, she now turns her nose at anything that doesn’t come in a pouch or resemble a peanut butter sandwich. And by “turn her nose”, I mean chunk  it across the table, wiggle her way out of her booster chair to stand on top of it, and yell, “NO, MOMMY! I not want that!”

Oh! And then there’s the attitude… loads of it!

Although her second birthday isn’t until Friday, I’ve been calling it  two-year-old angst. Her teacher at daycare warned me that this was coming.

“It happens to all of the kids. They turn two and suddenly… they just change.”

“No, not my Baby Girl,” I answer in disbelief. Hugging Lou a little closer, I asked her for reassurance, “You’re not going to change, are you, Love?”

With that she flung her lunch bag at me and said, “Mommy, (deep, dramatic sigh) let go.” I guess that was my answer.

It’s moments like these that I  forget how much I wanted her; how much I ached for a second baby, not knowing if I was ever going to have one. Now, I can’t imagine life without her. She is more sass and spark than I was prepare to handle, and more “me” than I care to admit.

I know it’s not right to label your children or attribute your traits to them, but I can’t help but notice that she is every bit my carbon copy– from the shape of her derriere to her “you’re dead to me” stare when she stands corrected. So even though she’s been insane to deal with recently, I understand her completely. I can’t help but pity and love her at the same time for having inherited the best and worst of me.

If you try to show her the proper way to use a fork, she will shut down completely, chucking her plates (again) and refusing to speak to you. I had a similar tantrum when Mike refused to order the take-out dishes I requested.

“Why are you making this so difficult?! Fine, let’s just not EAT dinner!”

Perhaps choosing to freak out about money and quibble about an $8 entree at the specific moment when all I wanted was Pad Thai from Ginger Cafe was not the best move, but he and I got it sorted it quickly. My temper may run white hot, but it cools just as fast.

Let’s just hope Lou will be coming around soon too. I don’t know how many more nights I can listen to this. Because of all the things my daughter and I may have in common, impatience and difficulty accepting criticism are tied for first.

I picked up this meme from my dear friend Jessica’s blog.  I too have a mountain of backdated posts in my head, but I wanted to take time to reflect on 2010.

Want to join too? Copy the questions and answer them in your own blog, then link to Jessica’s post… or you can just leave it in the comments below. You don’t have to answer all of them. Feel free to pick and choose as you wish.

Can you sum up your personal 2010 in just one word?

Overcoming.

Best thing you ate in 2010?

Barbecue shrimp and grits and beignets from NOLA in Palo Alto. Just as delicious as the ones I’ve had in South Carolina and Louisiana, respectively.

What do you feel you wasted time on last year?

Complaining rather than appreciating. Getting caught up in the day to day and missing the big picture. Fretting.

One regret from the past year?

Just one? My biggest regret is not documenting my children’s live as closely as I should via photos, videos, or blog posts. As I tried to come up with an end of year wrap-up, I drew a complete blank, and I realized, to my utter horror, how much I’ve let slip by.

The second biggest regret is being so hard on my husband for things that are neither his fault or under his control.

Faced with so many changes-bam, bam, bam- in a row has taken it’s toll on our marriage. There are times when I wish I hadn’t lost my patience and other times I was glad to just put it all out there.

What I don’t regret is the opportunity it’s given us to grow closer. We’ve had to learn what works and what doesn’t. We’ve had to learn how to work together. We’ve had to learn how to cope.

What do you wish you’d spent more time doing in 2010?

Unplugging and leaving the Blackberry in the car.

What’s one thing from 2010 you hope not to relive ever again?

Postpartum. Although we don’t  plan to have any more children, we also know what happens when we make plans. (God laughs.) So if I ever do have another child – and I am not entirely ruling it out- I will ask for help sooner. And not be ashamed of it.

What one accomplishment from 2010 are you proud of?

Towards the end of 2010, I made the leap from SAHM to WAHM. A huge leap!

It’s been a difficult transition as I realize there is NO SUCH THING as work-life balance, but I’m actively making strides towards my dreams and not giving up on my ambitions.

What one dream do you hope to realize in 2011?

Doesn’t everyone say they want to get fit and get healthy in the New Year? Well, at the risk of sounding trite, I want to get fit and get healthy in the New Year.

There. I said it!

My dream is feel good about myself again– healthy, full of energy, the confidence in knowing “I can do this!” I have no illusions (delusions) of reclaiming my former pre-baby self. At least, not within a year. I would, however, like to reduce the excess in my life.

What one extravagance do you want to experience in 2011?

I would like to spend our next Christmas break someplace warm and beachy. I loved having my entire family at our house over Christmas, but we’re overdue for a family vacation. All of us Mom, Dad, sisters, and brother-in-law too.

We’ll have to see if that happens… Considering the fact that everyone came to us because I refused to fly with my two small children, a flight to a tropical destination may be a no go. On the other hand, a lot can happen in a year.

Way, way, way back in August, I made the trek up to San Francisco with Tonya of Create–Celebrate-Explore…

* Bee Tee Dub. If you haven’t discovered this fantastic lady’s blog yet, YOU ARE MISSING OUT. Go there. Now. I can wait…*

Sooooo as I was saying… we made the trek up the peninsula to attend Bloggy Boot Camp in San Francisco, a one-day conference  filled with great speakers, opportunities to hug people who you once only adored from afar, and lots and lots of interesting women.

It was awesome!

The event was kicked off with hilarious vlogging queen Jessica Bern discussing some of the finer points of filming yourself for the Internet. The main takeaways were keep it short, keep it interesting, and for goodness sake, put down that snack and brush your hair.

Angry Julie tackled the topic of privacy online and blogging, giving us ten things to consider when it comes to your personal privacy. Jennifer James, founder of Mom Bloggers Club, offered ten tips for getting maximum exposure using social media.

Momfluential spoke about “selling your site without selling your soul”. We were introduced to OpenSky by its Chief Social Marketing Officer, Ted Rubin. Then, the witty and talented Kristy Campbell encouraged all of us to find our voice and just keep writing!

The most challenging session for me was led by Linsey Krolik- twin mom, lawyer, runner, yogi, and founder of From Left to Write Book Club. Her first task for us was to write down a simple goal for our blog– something concrete and refined, a reachable goal, a clear objective.

Well, I was stumped! As she continued talking about the legal and business aspects of blogging, I just couldn’t get past that first point of defining who I am/who I want to be as a blogger.

In fact, the overarching theme of the day was staying true to your brand and who you are. Over two months later, I still have no clue.

When I started blogging in 2007, it was just a frivolous hobby and a way to avoid completely off-rampping. I had just quit my job in online marketing, so blogging seemed like a natural extension of my career.

My blog was a “secret” place where I was content to vent about my in-laws, poke fun at the sillier things in my life, take pictures of food I made, and gush about my son.

Then we moved to London and blogging took on a whole new aspect. I started a new blog, American Mom in London, and it bore my *real* name. I talked about life abroad as both a way to vent and update friends and family. Right away, people beyond my playgroup and my parents were reading.

I actually started getting emails from Americans either planning to move to the UK or already living there, looking for advice or simply to commiserate. I started getting involved in the PR community, researching posts, and attracting more and more readers.

I suppose it was the clever and straight-forward name of my blog (thank you very much), but in any case, my mission was clear. I was an American mom making my way through the UK and helping others do the same.

That is until we moved back to the States six months later… except this time to Silicon Valley, where it’s been more difficult to figure out what it is exactly that sets me apart from all the other oversharey mommy bloggers.

WHO AM I? What am I good at? What am I really interested in? What makes me and my blog SPECIAL?

I feel like I’m in junior high all over again, except this time with an even bigger and more public identity crisis. And it’s a little too late to pretend that I don’t care. I’m in and I’m in deep.

I still have no clue what the business plan is for my blog. Or even why anyone still visits me after my seemingly endless series of blogging hiatuses (hiati?).

For those of you who still do, THANK YOU! Sincerely. Thank you for continuing to love and support me.

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Another thing Bloggy Boot Camp inspired me rethink was the design of my blog.

I kept the color scheme, but made plenty of room for ads (hint! hint!) and created a… er  umm… formalized my PR and media policies. I reorganized my categories and did away with some of the clutter.

So after nearly ten weeks of pestering my husband to help me with the HTML, I rolled out my new look yesterday morning.

I figure, if my mission can’t be clean and simple, at least my layout can be.

Let me know what you think!

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For far more insightful and informative recaps from Bloggy Boot Camp San Francisco, visit BonggaMom, Nanny Goats in Panties, The Programmer’s Wife, GaGa Sisterhood, Cookies & Clogs, or My 5 Monkeys… just to name a few.