Trying to make mommy friends is very often compared to dating— lots of hanging around, making discreet eye contact, sizing up the prospects…
Add to that scheduling conflicts around naps and mealtimes, geographic desirability, and toddler temperaments and I’d say that the mommy “dating pool” is far more brutal… and mostly out of our control.
Not only are you expected to bring your “A-Game”, you better hope your kid does too.
It doesn’t matter how charming and witty YOU are. One angry swipe of a sand shovel or blow-up over whose turn it is to play with the stupid “bubble mower” and you can pretty much kiss your chances of “same time, same place next week” buh-bye…
I’ve actually done pretty well meeting new people since we’ve moved here. I joined and have been relatively active in a great moms’ group. I’m in the book club and I volunteer to do things like organize activities for the annual summer picnic.
While it’s nice to run into a familiar face at the grocery store or get birthday party invitations, I’m still looking for the ONE.
Someone who I can call up at 4:30 in the afternoon and say, “My day’s been balls and I just ran out of dish soap. Do you want to walk around Wal-Mart with me? I’ll buy you a dooooo-nut!”…
Or better yet, “So my house is a wreck and my child is out of control, but this boxed wine won’t drink itself. Want to come over? No judgment!”
Someone who won’t recoil in horror if my son shoves her kid for taking a toy away, because next week, it will be the other way around. She’d simply say, “(Insert child’s name) probably had it coming”, which is funny because that’s exactly what I would say.
Of course, a little squabble like that doesn’t really matter since our kids will love one another 99 80 75% of the time.
So imagine my joy when I met “Jessica” and her family over the weekend.
We were waiting in line to ride the kiddie train at Oak Meadow Park when Scout and her son started a pointless shouting match that basically went…
“Yes!”
“No!”
“YES!”
“NO!”
I think the game was who could shout the loudest, but it soon escalated to who could kick the hardest…
She and her husband laughed out loud when Mr. D and I apologized for our kid being a total PUNK. I knew right away that these are fun people.
After exchanging some “boys will be boys” platitudes, we learned that they also just moved to the area and don’t really know a lot of people.
Cool. We’re people!
Our boys are the same age and they just had a baby.
Hey, we’re about to have a baby!
“Jessica” stays home with the kids (just like me!). We’re even in the same moms’ group. Different chapters, but still… and, best part, they live one block away from us.
Swoon!
You mean, we could actually have friends IN the neighborhood! Walking distance even!!!
Swoon! Swoon!
She and I made a play date to meet at the park. “Thursday. 11 am. Got it! See you then!”
Well, Thursday morning came. We showed up. They did not.
I was disappointed, but not entirely miffed about it. We didn’t exchange any info, so it’s not like she could have called and didn’t.
Besides, she seemed pretty frazzled by the whole “juggling two kids” routine. I’m merely days away from being right there with her. Anything could have happened between now and then… Right? Right?
——————————
Meanwhile at the park, a grandmother crossed the playground and stood over Scout and I as we played in the sand. Her young grandson followed after.
Once the little boy caught up with her, she started gesturing wildly and talking about us as if pointing out some horrible and ill behavior.
No, no. That’s not quite right. It was more like she was making an example of two caged monkeys flinging poo.
I wish I could tell you what we were doing that was worthy of such a fuss. Too bad she was speaking in… RUSSIAN.
I have no idea what she could have been squawking about. The only questionable behavior being displayed was the fact that I’m nine months pregnant and sitting in a pile of sand that I may… or may not… be able to get out of on my own.
Not wise, but hardly worth being made an example of…
——————————
Eventually, it was time for lunch, which I had packed in anticipation of a long, chatty play date. So much for that… Humph!
Scout told me he was hungry at the same time another mom nearby was calling her kids to lunch.
She and I had caught one another’s eye as I looked around for “Jessica”… keeping hope alive and all. She had a little girl about Scout’s age and an infant in tow.
She seemed nice too. She’d look over at us and smile. I’d smile back.
As I gathered our sand toys, I noticed that there were only two picnic tables at the park and one was already occupied. So, I approached her and asked if she wanted to share a table with us.
“Uh. Uh…. No. It’s… er, I mean, We’re okay… Uh… We need to wash our hands,” she stammered.
Umm… I guess what she really meant to say was “HELLS NO.”
A few minutes later, the people at the other table left and they ended up sitting right next to us, backs turned AWAY… of course.
——————————
So, stood up, shunned, and made a public spectacle… and all in one morning at the park.
How was your day?
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Oh, bummer! But really, anything could have happened. I’d hang out at that park when you can and you’ll bump into them again. How great would it be to make a good, new IRL mom friend!
kenandbelly’s last blog post..take off
that stinks! i’m sorry you had all THREE happen in one day! =(
my ‘one’ is in california…i miss her and the relationship you described. it’s one of the pitfalls of living where we do right now (baton rouge) where everyone is from here for generations and so few people are transplants – everyone is pretty much set on besties, and have been since the second grade.
i hope you have better luck this week!
Liz’s last blog post..Little Apples
That sucks.
At least you make a greater effort than I do. I’m not involved in anything, I just stay home and yell at the kids all day. ha! Also, in Jessica’s defense, it is hard to juggle 2 kids on your own, especially when one is still a newborn. She may have also just forgot with everything else. I know I’ve forgotten a lot of things.
Crystal’s last blog post..Better than BlogHer
That does suck. I hope she just forgot.
And, if it’s in a language you don’t understand…I say it totally doesn’t count.
And, why wouldn’t they want to sit with you? Crazy.
Move to the ATL…we’ll have playdates, and I’ll keep them!
Krystyn’s last blog post..MFS Eyewear and Sun Protection Zone Review and Giveaway
Man, that does suck. Hopefully she’s just forgot…and I think that’s a total possibility. I’m notorious for forgetting plans! I’m with Krystyn…move to the ATL and we’ll play all the time! (as long as you remind me!)
Emily’s last blog post..PSF – baking cookies
I hope you invite us to come play some day! We won’t be bitches!
Ack! I’m so NOT looking forward to searching for mom friends once Lexie and I finally decide to leave the house 😛 I have some friends and family with kids, but everyone lives 45 minutes away.
Mom’s groups scare the shit out of me!
Amber’s last blog post..Cloth Diapers
I so understand…it’s hard to find our mommy soul mates!
But if I lived close? I would SO be your shopping, wine drinking, park playing, picnic having friend 🙂
Making friends in a new place is SO much like dating no matter what the circumstances, and it’s one of the strange things that no one seems to talk about. I suspect the odds of a good outcome are not that different than the odds of a date going well, so we all need to be patient….
NFAH’s last blog post..Dear So-and-so take 3
The day had such high hopes! What a bummer.
Midwest Mommy’s last blog post..You learn something new each day…
Oh man, I’m sorry.
But I’m with you, it is hard making Mommy Friends. The ones I’ve encountered over here have always been horrified when I gave my kids chocolate. They’re into the healthy-eat-veggies-for-snacks thing. Which I like too, don’t get me wrong, but I also feel that a little chocolate won’t hurt anyone..
Amber’s last blog post..Thanks For Nothing, Dave Hepburn..
I think I might have flung some sand the the Russian grannie. But, that’s just me.
Tara R.’s last blog post..SkyWatch Friday ~ 10
…I’ll say it again…I wish we lived in the same town. I’d so hang with you. I have bombed at making real life mommy friends:(
Nap Warden’s last blog post..Mooooo
Sorry to hear she wasn’t the one. But you never know, maybe it was some fluke emergency that kept her from meeting you at the park that day.
Let us know if you hear from her or run into her again.
D’s last blog post..New perspective
I feel for ya girl, it’s hard. And the way you described it at the beginning of this post is spot on. Six months ago I would’ve read this post and thought “Oh, poor girl, she’s having a hard time making friends in her new town” but now I’m right there with you and feeling the Same. Exact. Way. Funny how life rolls sometimes, huh?
Thanks for stopping by my place and leaving such a sweet comment. I wish that you were going to BlogHer too so that we could hug it out! And too bad we don’t live in the same “new” place – I would SO be your friend that you could call… anytime… ; )
Elaine’s last blog post..I’ve Come to Depend on You
Oh and P.S. I’m adding you to my blogroll because I like your writing! : )
Elaine’s last blog post..I’ve Come to Depend on You
ooooh I wish we lived in the same area…and I always thought making friends with a kid would be better than trying to make couple friends with nothing in common…
“hey you have a husband….me too!!”
except after 5 minutes, your husband is making the “THIS GUY SUCKS” face or you are thinking “these people are douches.”
I guess a kid just makes a third person for everyone to judge!