It’s a well documented fact in the mommy blogger universe. Everyone has a strong opinion on childbirth… and they just LURVE to inflict it on… er, share it with you.
It’s the conversation that I most dread because there’s no escaping it. Unlike other annoying questions directed at the belly, other people don’t actually care about what you plan to do. They only want to tell you how it should be done…
At a recent play date, one mom (who I had just met that morning, by the way) bombarded me with the details of her two VBACs/natural child births (and subsequently all of the ills of having a second c-section).
VBAC. VBAC. VBAC.
Of course, I value her experience for what it is and listened with an open mind, but she pretty much lost me when she started saying the words “doula” and “advocate”.
From there, I just ended the conversations with, “At least we can all agree that childbirth sucks to matter how it happens. Now let’s see which of these kids made a poop!”.
The other night, another complete stranger told me that it was… and I quote, “stupid to have a c-section”. Someone else countered with, “Well, I guess it would be nice to schedule everything else around the birth. That probably makes things so much easier.”
Right. Because “easy” and “convenient” are completely synonymous with “child birth”…
Frankly, I don’t get this lingering notion that a natural childbirth is a superior childbirth… or the assumption that planning a c-section means you’re simply “too posh to push”. I’m here to say, that is simply not that case.
With my first child, there was a serious medical reason for my emergency c-section. I was in labor for several hours and pushed for several more (thankyouverymuch…) only to be rushed into a operating room and cut open.
In my book, that means I went through childbirth twice in one day. My recovery also took twice as long as anyone else in my circle of friends, but why am I even telling you any of this?
It’s not like I like to brag about my childbirth experience (especially not to total strangers). I certainly don’t seek praise or sympathy, because I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. It was my son’s life versus the judgmental “earth mommies” and guess what… my son’s life won.
I have a healthy, happy little boy to show for it and that’s all that matters, so let’s leave my va-jay-jay out of it. In fact, if you still very much want to know, I plan to…
on Apr 2nd, 2009 at 9:21 am
I never understand why people are so opinionated about pregnancy and birth and everything else.
I think I would respond, “we are going to do what is best for our little baby!”
Krystyn’s last blog post..Overwhelmed…and Thankful
on Apr 2nd, 2009 at 10:20 am
Ha–brilliant ending!
Because there is NO WAY to win this one. When I was pregnant w/ my 2nd I did want a VBAC. I got NO END of “are you crazy” comments. Simultaneously another friend was planning a repeat section. She got NO END of “are you crazy” comments. Gee, thanks for the support people!
(for the record I ended up w. a repeat section anyway and it was fine.)
mayberry’s last blog post..Shreddy Eddie
on Apr 2nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I’ve found that people’s comments are more about themselves than about you and your choices. You will never please everyone, so all you can do is what is best for you and your situation. I think the best response is a smile and “Wow, all this baby-talk makes me so excited to meet my new little daughter!”
Good luck!!
The Casual Perfectionist’s last blog post..The routine
on Apr 2nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
My sister-in-law gave birth to identical twins in 1988. She actually did give birth twice in 7 minutes. The boys were in the same sack. The first one was delivered vaginally, but the second one had his brother’s cord wrapped around his neck and was born by emergency c-section. She had the total birth experience. Twenty years later they are BOTH thriving college students at Texas A&M.
on Apr 3rd, 2009 at 7:32 am
When it comes to having babies, it is amazing to me how complete strangers attack you with their opinion. I don’t judge…life is hard enough…ya’ know?
Nap Warden’s last blog post..A Walrus Doing a Somersault
on Apr 3rd, 2009 at 9:26 am
Amen, sister! I don’t understand why people have to take a stance at all on birthing, breast vs. bottle, potty training, etc. Personally, I think that it shows a lack of experience in life to understand that some things are beyond our control.
So I’ll give you my personal “go with the flow” attitude. I had a “mostly natural” childbirth with Phoebe 8 years ago. I say mostly natural, because I didn’t have an epidural or pain killers, but had an IV with antibiotics and eventually pitocin, and was totally monitored. I loved it. It was great. It worked for that childbirth. I felt like sh(t afterward, cause as you said – who ever said childbirth of any kind is convenient? But I almost cracked up at my first OB visit, which was just with the nurse who goes through all these questions like “Are you planning another vaginal birth.” My answer was “I’m planning to have two healthy babies. I leave it to the doctor to tell me how to do that.” How do I “plan” not to have a C-section? It’s not in my hands and I know it. I don’t take everything my doctor says for gospel, but I’ll take her advice if that’s what she says we have to do.
Good luck with whatever birthing decision you make.
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